A Moment Forever (TG, AP) (Complete)

[Dragon]

Originally Posted by wandering_spirit

The first idea I had was switching Nicole's mind into Karyn's body, then ARing Nicole, but the more I think about it, the less that solution would feel right.

Yeah, I think that would adding to a whole, sort of, mish-mash. You've got Mark back and he seems to be afraid to go and Yurix is remorseful for making him that way without knowing him. It seems to be back-pedalling to say, "Oh well, we'll stick you in a yet different form. Have a nice life." The mind-swap doesn't seem to fill a purpose in the scenario except to have one.
I had thought that if Karyn's true wish was just to be loved, then she needn't have grown into Yurix's perfect vision. Being rid of the memories of abuse and neglect, bonus.
In a way, you could shift Karyn's perceptions of Mark into Mark's head in order to keep him straight. Still fitting punishment to have himself as an ogre in his own head, but showing Yurix's truly sorry for flying off the handle.

[wandering_spirit]

Originally Posted by Dragon

Yeah, I think that would adding to a whole, sort of, mish-mash. You've got Mark back and he seems to be afraid to go and Yurix is remorseful for making him that way without knowing him. It seems to be back-pedalling to say, "Oh well, we'll stick you in a yet different form. Have a nice life." The mind-swap doesn't seem to fill a purpose in the scenario except to have one.
I had thought that if Karyn's true wish was just to be loved, then she needn't have grown into Yurix's perfect vision. Being rid of the memories of abuse and neglect, bonus.
In a way, you could shift Karyn's perceptions of Mark into Mark's head in order to keep him straight. Still fitting punishment to have himself as an ogre in his own head, but showing Yurix's truly sorry for flying off the handle.

Maybe I should fix the next part in as a 'later on' segment. Reverting Mark to his old form, but making a few mental changes, would likely work. As for Karyn... in a way, Yurix would be giving up his own happiness to fix things.

[Dragon]

*holds envelope to his head* Hmm... What makes a good story great and even more realistic?
*tears open envelope and removes paper*

in a way, Yurix would be giving up his own happiness to fix things.

Joking aside, this is a tough choice to make in writing a story. It makes things longer and forces the writer to contend with tough feelings within himself. Welcome to my personal hell.

[wandering_spirit]

I did work on a quick little something yesterday. Instead of Yurix, I thought Karyn could fix things her way: use what remains of her own magic energy (from the Alchemist's Hand and the Eye of Truth) to bring back her dad as a changed person, reverting to her own age... I hadn't worked it yet, but I had thought of having Nicole become as Karyn was. Sort of a FtF change.

[wandering_spirit]

I finally finished the story, and ended on a good note, this time. I hope this three-part story was to your liking.

[Dragon]

Very good. Dealt with the problems in a plausible way and kept a happy ending for yourself. I hope that you'll keep writing and experimenting.

[wandering_spirit]

Thanks, and I hope I'll have a solid critic like you to help me out once in a while.

[Dragon]

Just give me a poke in a pm or my email off my website or FA.
http://dragon.furvect.com
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/dragon42/