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Unread 02-22-2015   #1
Mytransformations
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Post New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader: Nathan's an awkward, gentle giant: a big, shy, oaf of a man who crushes hard on the head cheerleader at his school, Daniella. Nathan tries out for the football team to impress her, but even though he doesn't make the cut, he manages to get invited to one of Daniella's famous parties. Little does he suspect that it's a party for two, and Daniella is bent on satisfying her gender-bending, exotic tastes...

This is a tale of gender and race transformation. Let me know what you think, I take reader feedback very seriously.



Excerpt:

“So, now that dinner’s done, would you like to know why I invited you?” Daniella asked.

I swallowed hard, then nodded a little. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, but something about her tone of voice made me feel as though this was important.

“Uh...sure, yeah,” I replied.

“I know you’ve been watching me, Nathan,” Daniella began in a low voice.

“Watching you?” I replied, my own voice coming out in a panicked squeak.

“From behind the bleachers,” she said, confirming my worst fears. “From math class, from the school dances, from anywhere you can, really. You’d probably sneak into the air vent in the girl’s locker girl if only you’d fit.”

I felt horrified. Is this the reason she’d invited me over? To humiliate me? To accuse me of being a stalker? A flurry of conflicting emotions coursed through my veins - rage, frustration, betrayal, anxiety...despair. I rose to my feet and prepared to go.

“Hold your horses, Nathan,” she said. “I didn’t say I minded all that attention.”

“You...you don’t mind?” I asked, slinking back into my seat, my shoulders slouched as a wave of relief washed over me.

“Actually...I’m kind of flattered,” she said, as she stood and began slowly walking towards me.

“Really?” I said, gulping a little.

The nerves were back now, full force. What a rollercoaster evening, I thought.

“Yeah, that’s why I invited you. We have a cheerleading state championship coming up, and I want to debut some new routines for the squad to do,” she explained.

“So you want my help...designing cheerleading routines?” I asked, scratching my head.

“You’re so sweet,” she said through a giggle, as she stood on her tiptoes to plant a peck on my cheek.
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Unread 02-22-2015   #2
wandering_spirit
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

Where'd you get that book cover?
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Unread 02-22-2015   #3
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

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Originally Posted by wandering_spirit View Post
Where'd you get that book cover?
I got the cover image from a stock photo service and then I paid a designer at Fiverr to do the titles. Do you like it?
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Unread 02-22-2015   #4
frice2000
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

The Image is fine and the choice of text in the title is fine too, but with GIMP and like 5 minutes you could have made that text yourself. Haven't read the book yet, will edit when I do.

Edit: This wasn't very good I'm sad to say. I'd say that if you posted it for free (though I would be nicer about it), but if I had paid for this I would have been very displeased. This is not up to par for work to be charging $3 for. Maybe a $1, but $3? No. Since I have Kindle Unlimited it was free however, so that puts me in a bit more charitable a mood.

There were quite a few problems with it. I get that you wanted to write a fetish piece but you told us next to nothing about the characters. Character and setting descriptions were near non-existent. Character motivations and at least some bits of personality for your characters were also severely lacking. You could have said 'Hot female character 1." And "Tall Transformation Victim 1." And they would have had near the same impact. You needed to inject at least a modicum of personality there. Instead almost all of the characterization we get isn't till the transformation is over and finished with. That's not exactly a way to get the reader invested in the story.

The transformation was a bit awkward. What made it happen? The cheers? How did the cheers make it work? Was it the sushi? It seems to have been the cheers yes, but then what was the point of the sushi to start with. Honestly, if you had made the sushi transform him slowly as he ate it and then had some more mental changes to go along with that it could've been better. Perhaps if Nana was a gymnast of some sort in Japan and had helped out with the cheers things could have been more interesting. Instead the transformation scene seemed to just be there. It would count as process this way yes, and for those looking for a nice transformation scene there's interesting bits there, but in the end how it was presented just felt quite off.

Post transformation I have no idea what you were going for. I expected sex to happen, and it did. But the watching of anime first felt strange. Not exactly impossible no, just a bit strange. And what mental changes Nana did experience were related only to intelligence, and a new language. But not any basic skills for her new gender? That's really odd as well.

Overall, I can't recommend this story. There were a few bits that showed you have some talent but I don't think you're ready to publish and expect to get paid yet. You need more practice before you get to that point. Though I do see that you have quite a few published works on Kindle, and if you're making a good income off of it what do I know I guess. However, many stories on FM or Big Closet are very superior to this, and they cost nothing. One should expect better from things we're told to pay a few bucks on.

Last edited by frice2000; 02-22-2015 at 11:59 PM.
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Unread 02-23-2015   #5
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

To Frice2000:

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story. I do take reader feedback seriously, so even though I disagree with some of what you wrote, it doesn't change the fact that your experience wasn't what you wanted. So again, sorry.

To answer some of your comments:
1. You mentioned the lack of extensive character development prior to the transformation. Some of my stories I do in fact, do this, such as my Nerd TF From Nikki to Nerdy. However, sometimes when I go this route, I receive feedback that says the setup is too much, go in for the transformation sooner. So it's a tough balancing act between preserving interest and developing a character arc beforehand.
2. You mentioned the sex coming after watching anime - my goal was to preserve the tension in the situation as long as was possible.
3. You mentioned my sales - I'm not making a living off of my Kindle sales, but I do OK. And most of the feedback I've received on my ebooks has been positive. Some ebooks obviously are better received than others.
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Unread 02-23-2015   #6
wandering_spirit
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

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Originally Posted by Mytransformations View Post
I got the cover image from a stock photo service and then I paid a designer at Fiverr to do the titles. Do you like it?
Well, it is nice. The reason why I'm asking is because I also wish to publish my story, but I don't have a cover, and I don't know if the story would be good enough.
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Unread 02-23-2015   #7
girlem64
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

I for one very much so enjoyed this story. I loved how the female lead seduced and kept changing him against his will. I do wish it had been a bit more drawn out/detailed but otherwise it was a good little story hope u make more tg works in the future!
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Unread 02-23-2015   #8
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Re: New Ebook - From Nathan to Nanako: Changed into a Cheerleader

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Originally Posted by girlem64 View Post
I for one very much so enjoyed this story. I loved how the female lead seduced and kept changing him against his will. I do wish it had been a bit more drawn out/detailed but otherwise it was a good little story hope u make more tg works in the future!
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
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