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Unread 01-11-2018   #1
Werewolf1361
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Once in a Blood Moon TF Scene

Here's a little werewolf TF scene I whipped up for a story called Once in a Blood Moon. This scene may or may not be used so please give me some honest feedback. It's very much appreciated.

https://mark-of-the-wolf.deviantart....cene-725006020
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Unread 01-11-2018   #2
Amahain
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Re: Once in a Blood Moon TF Scene

Okay, honest feedback, here are some things to consider:

One thing I try to do when I write is picture the story as a screenplay and then edit out any dialogue that might seem superfluous. Tara is talking to herself throughout the transformation (eg. "Are my nails growing? This can't be real!") but a lot of that dialogue isn't necessary and would seem odd if it were in a screenplay. Something like, "she watched in disbelief as her nails grew" would suffice.

Just as a challenge to yourself, I'd recommend writing a TF story (or just a vignette, anyway) with no dialogue whatsoever. Describe your character's thoughts but avoid quotation marks at all costs. I think it would probably flow much better.

Another thing to consider:

Quote:
Tara cocked her head back, gazing as the moon and let out a long, mournful howl before bounding off into the woods. The next morning dawned, and Tara awoke, human once more, in a pile of leaves.
This should be two paragraphs. These are two separate scenes; a significant amount of time has passed between the first sentence and the second. If you feel like this makes the paragraphs weirdly short, then expand on them.

Anyway, the story has potential. I think it's great when TF fans contribute and share their own works, and I hope you continue to do so.
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Unread 01-11-2018   #3
Kantomaster1111
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Re: Once in a Blood Moon TF Scene

Why no tail?
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Unread 01-12-2018   #4
TailBoy
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Re: Once in a Blood Moon TF Scene

yeah why no tail?? :/
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Unread 01-12-2018   #5
Werewolf1361
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Re: Once in a Blood Moon TF Scene

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amahain View Post
Okay, honest feedback, here are some things to consider:

One thing I try to do when I write is picture the story as a screenplay and then edit out any dialogue that might seem superfluous. Tara is talking to herself throughout the transformation (eg. "Are my nails growing? This can't be real!") but a lot of that dialogue isn't necessary and would seem odd if it were in a screenplay. Something like, "she watched in disbelief as her nails grew" would suffice.

Just as a challenge to yourself, I'd recommend writing a TF story (or just a vignette, anyway) with no dialogue whatsoever. Describe your character's thoughts but avoid quotation marks at all costs. I think it would probably flow much better.

Another thing to consider:



This should be two paragraphs. These are two separate scenes; a significant amount of time has passed between the first sentence and the second. If you feel like this makes the paragraphs weirdly short, then expand on them.

Anyway, the story has potential. I think it's great when TF fans contribute and share their own works, and I hope you continue to do so.
Thanks! I really appreciate the insights. I never thought about the dialog before but I will definitely try writing a TF without it.

As for those of you asking about tail growth or lack thereof, well, my specialty is feet not tails.
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