Diary of a Spell (Complete)

wandering_spirit · 03-11-2012

I had a request I didn't have much time to do, so I decided to write it today.

It's a short reality change/ TG story. Took me about two hours to do, so...

catfish27 · 03-11-2012

Pretty good for only two hours. I just had a couple minor points of confusion that might have been cleared up by a bit of editing...

It didn't make sense to me that Sarah was described as Bill's "daughter-in-law" (that would indicate she was married to Bill's son). "Niece" seems more reasonable -- that would make her the daughter of, presumably, a sibling of Bill's late wife. That also makes it more reasonable that Peter would have seen her occasionally in the past (when she was visiting her uncle Bill in the past).

On this phrase, "I wasn’t too sure what he had in mind, but I played his game. He then shoots up...", I was confused because "shoots up" made me first think Bill was doing heroin in the kitchen in front of Peter -- talk about a character development that came out of nowhere! It took me a minute to realize you meant that Bill stood up quickly to go get the book.

And when I got to the final P.S., it took me a minute to figure out what "(Sarah) even told me that she’s the one who butchered the instructions on the first spell, so we could have some real girl-on-girl time" meant, and I'm still not 100% sure I interpreted it correctly: did Peter find some notes that were in the book already when he got it from Bill, which were actually planted by Sarah with intentionally incorrect instructions? Or did the change to reality mean that, in the new reality, instead of Peter casting a spell that turned him into Phoebe, Sarah had cast a spell that resulted in "the girl next door" becoming bisexual and more attractive?

wandering_spirit · 03-12-2012

Yeah, I guess I should've re-read it before posting, but I was in a bit of a hurry. You're right about the first two, and for the third part, well... I guess I wanted to give Sarah a more active role than being just a gold digger, and decided to have her mess with Peter one last time.

catfish27 · 03-12-2012

Well, like I said, it was pretty darn good for two hours! It sometimes takes me two hours to write one segment in an interactive (although that includes editing, and I'm pretty harsh on myself...

).

03-11-2012	#2
catfish27 Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 441	Re: Quick little story Pretty good for only two hours. I just had a couple minor points of confusion that might have been cleared up by a bit of editing... It didn't make sense to me that Sarah was described as Bill's "daughter-in-law" (that would indicate she was married to Bill's son). "Niece" seems more reasonable -- that would make her the daughter of, presumably, a sibling of Bill's late wife. That also makes it more reasonable that Peter would have seen her occasionally in the past (when she was visiting her uncle Bill in the past). On this phrase, "I wasn’t too sure what he had in mind, but I played his game. He then shoots up...", I was confused because "shoots up" made me first think Bill was doing heroin in the kitchen in front of Peter -- talk about a character development that came out of nowhere! It took me a minute to realize you meant that Bill stood up quickly to go get the book. And when I got to the final P.S., it took me a minute to figure out what "(Sarah) even told me that she’s the one who butchered the instructions on the first spell, so we could have some real girl-on-girl time" meant, and I'm still not 100% sure I interpreted it correctly: did Peter find some notes that were in the book already when he got it from Bill, which were actually planted by Sarah with intentionally incorrect instructions? Or did the change to reality mean that, in the new reality, instead of Peter casting a spell that turned him into Phoebe, Sarah had cast a spell that resulted in "the girl next door" becoming bisexual and more attractive?

03-12-2012	#3
wandering_spirit Just a wanderer Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 2,073	Re: Quick little story Yeah, I guess I should've re-read it before posting, but I was in a bit of a hurry. You're right about the first two, and for the third part, well... I guess I wanted to give Sarah a more active role than being just a gold digger, and decided to have her mess with Peter one last time. __________________ Follow my ongoing story, 'Upon a Star', on DeviantArt: http://medierth.deviantart.com/ "In this egotistic world in which we live in, it is sometimes to wonder if we shouldn't be like mirrors for others to deem us worthy to be looked at." - 'Le Chat'

03-12-2012	#4
catfish27 Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 441	Re: Quick little story Well, like I said, it was pretty darn good for two hours! It sometimes takes me two hours to write one segment in an interactive (although that includes editing, and I'm pretty harsh on myself... ).