10-24-2013 | #1 |
King of All the Land
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 142
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My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
Hey there, guys. I've decided to create my own piece of fiction. Right now I have Part 1 finished on writing.com, and I plan on creating part 2 soon. Tell me what you think so far.
Here is the link: http://www.writing.com/main/view_ite...he-Hulk-Part-1 I wanted to create the writing in the "choose your own story" style, but you need to pay a membership for that. I wonder if there are any other websites I can use. By the way, don't worry if you felt this part doesn't have a whole lot of action. Part 2 will have more exciting parts. EDIT #1: Here is part 2: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk Part 2 Last edited by Conker; 10-28-2013 at 06:26 PM. |
10-24-2013 | #2 | |
DO THE IMPOSSIBLE
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Spain
Posts: 872
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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If you're going for "choose your own story", I volunteer to code it into a Visual Novel game (if you're interested) for you if you get someone else to do the art. Backrounds/music wouldn't be needed, I can cover that for you, just character art would be needed. I hope you write more! |
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10-24-2013 | #3 | |
King of All the Land
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 142
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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What did you think of the piece? Was there anything you think that could have been done better? I literally have no idea what I am doing, so any constructive criticism would help. |
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10-25-2013 | #4 |
Gentle BE/GTS/FMG FTW
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 369
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
I've long had an idea like yours myself but never had the time or will to try to implement it.
If you want to use this story (which has some similarities to yours) as a way to learn go ahead. I'm trying to finish a TG story that was commissioned out of me right now but once I am done with it (I am a perfectionist so I'm still struggling with revising it) I can offer some writing assistance. |
10-26-2013 | #5 |
She-Hulk's biographer
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 30
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
Not a bad beginning, and I don't mean that to sound patronizing. I do like the way you had the main character find out about Danielle's condition, by picking up on her avoidance behavior and finally confronting her with it in a tactful manner. Personally, I don't mind that you kind of glossed over her origin; we've heard all kinds by now, and it doesn't feel necessary to go into much depth. Feels more realistic that way, to me at least, for her to be reticent at going into detail over something so personal.
I don't know how writing.com handles formatting, as one of the issues I had with reading the story was picking out where the next paragraph began in some sections, as there was no spacing or indents between paragraphs in the main body of the story, after the first few lines. Also, I did see one paragraph that had both characters speaking in the same one, and it's best to avoid that, which I believe you did in the rest of the story. But as far as story/character development, I'm interested in where you are taking this. |
10-26-2013 | #6 | ||
King of All the Land
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 142
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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On another note, I partially made this because I don't have $100 to spend on a custom video that may or may not wind up okay. Plus, I felt like writing a story. Killing two birds with one stone, I guess. |
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10-26-2013 | #7 | |
The Man~the Myth~the Bat
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Gotham
Posts: 738
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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__________________
The night is darkest just before the dawn... kArMa XD |
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10-26-2013 | #8 | |
Gentle BE/GTS/FMG FTW
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 369
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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10-27-2013 | #9 | |
King of All the Land
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 142
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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So you can choose between 3 types of women, basically. Regardless, I've been working on Part 2 and I have to say that these writings tend to get longer than I thought. |
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10-28-2013 | #10 |
King of All the Land
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 142
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Re: My Girlfriend is the She-Hulk (Writing)
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Tags |
girlfriend, growing, muscular, she-hulk |
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