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Unread 03-05-2008   #13
My shoes are untied, too!
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Talking Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Originally Posted by hmmm! View Post
you totally sold me with this idea. As such, I couldn't resist making a picture of the loverly waitress, so here's what I came up with..

Permission to draw her again if I get the urge to, sah?
If anyone here thinks it's a good idea for you to draw her less.... well, personally, I want to beat them down and toss them off the edge of a cliff. You have all the damn right in the world to draw her as much as possible, my new bestest friend in the whole world... just let me know if you do... but don't hesitate on my behalf, of course...

Seriously, sexy as heck doesn't even begin to define it...

Originally Posted by Very_Good_Karma
Isn't Juggalos an actual place in Dawn of BE? I've seen references to it...
Yeah, it is, and I kinda made it, too. <_< If you recognize the username I use here, and all.

And now, I'm all excited.. I wasn't expecting people to buy into this so much... I love you guys!
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Unread 03-05-2008   #14
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Well then, I'd venture a promise that you're sure going to be seeing more of her!
And I'm glad you like it!
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Unread 03-05-2008   #15
Kojiro Highwind
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Originally Posted by hmmm! View Post
you totally sold me with this idea. As such, I couldn't resist making a picture of the loverly waitress, so here's what I came up with..

Permission to draw her again if I get the urge to, sah?
... that thing scares me o.o
Main DA account here

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Unread 03-05-2008   #16
Process Disciple
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Originally Posted by Kojiro Highwind View Post
... that thing scares me o.o
In all the best ways!
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Unread 03-06-2008   #17
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Wow, and I thought the one I did was already absurdly "large".
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Unread 03-06-2008   #18
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

That be what that name reminds me of...

That strange land-lubber Metal-rap group called the "Insane Clown Posse"...
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Unread 03-06-2008   #19
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Well, I've colored her and uploaded her next to the linework. That was fun; I've rarely drawn anyone so ridiculously built!
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Unread 03-06-2008   #20
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

That is brilliant Hmmm. If she were real I'd go and jump on her

Link drawn by BSB
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Unread 03-06-2008   #21
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Love it, just love it, but the stickler in me can't help but think there's no way that little tray on the left side of the pic wouldn't just fall over; there's nothing attaching it to her luscious girth.

What about a "Juggalo's belt", basically just a normal belt with lots of metal hoops hanging off it? That way you could hook the little trays to it and the food would stay on even when they were walking. Plus the jing-jangling of the rings as they walked would help accentuate their curves.
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Unread 03-06-2008   #22
My shoes are untied, too!
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Needless to say,t his was a triumph.

I flooded your DA with praise already, but I just want to say I wasn't expecting this thing to explode and catch on so quickly... I love it, I love you, and I loooove Trixie!
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Unread 03-09-2008   #23
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

Damn you, Hmm!

You pic of Trixie was so unerringly awesome, I was inspired to write a Juggalos story! I've barely slept in two days, but it's almost done! o.0
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Unread 03-09-2008   #24
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Re: Welcome to Juggalos [BE/Butt/hips Expansion]

"Dinner For Two"

"Are you sure about this place, Dear?" Elaine asked as she fidgeted in the passenger seat.
"Honey, You know Mr. Ostmeyer," Her husband Dan said from the driver's seat. "Only the best of the best of the best. And after the numbers on the Henkelmann account, I'm sure the company could afford to splurge a little."
"But it just looks so.. *gaudy* for a ten-year gift," Elaine said, looking at the coupon the CEO had presented her husband. "I've never even heard of this 'Juggalos' place."
"Sounds Italian," Dan said, remembering his surprise at receiving a single coupon for a free dinner for two at the odd-sounding restaurant. He'd been unable to completely hide his surprise and confusion from his boss, as the normally stoic old CEO had clapped Dan on the arm and told him very solemnly that he was to take his wife with him, claiming it would be one of the most romantic evenings of his life.
"Coupon valid for one 'Gold Ticket' dinner for two," Elaine read off the cardstock. "May not be refunded, exchanged, transferred, or sold." She sighed and put he coupon back in her purse. "It appears we're stuck with it."
"Honey, you know Mr. Osymeyer doesn't give gifts lightly. Remember the carribbean cruise he gave Boll Kochek for his 15-year? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's great. Now, which street were we suppposed to turn off on?"
"Um..." Elaine answered, unfolding the directions they'd gotten when they called earlier. "It says it's at the corner of Marble and Wade streets..."
"And here's Marble..." Dan said, easing the sedan into the turn.
"So now we just need to..." Elaine started, before trailing off. "Oh no, oh you've got to be kidding me..."

The Juggalos restaurant was lit with a garis neon sign, the name superimposed over a buxom waitress, the lines of the "gg" in the name outlining the exaggerated curves of the server. Dan and Elaine slowly pulled into the parking lot, mouths agape.
"We are *not* eating here," Elaine said flatly as Dan pulled into a parking spot.
"No. Absolutely not. I thought you said this place was nice!"
"I thought it was! Mr. Ostmeyer said it would be very romantic!"
"Romantic?! We might as well go to a McDonalds for as classy as this is. I am not spending my Anniversary here!"
Elain just shot her husband a scowl. Dan sighed and looked at the steering wheel, as if the Lexus logo were about to impart some wisdom as to how he could get out of this mess. After a few tense moments, Dan reached up and turned the key off in the ignition.
"Elaine, please," Dan started, looking his wife in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have checked the place out first. I guess I didn't think Mr. Ostmeyer would pull a prank like this on me."
"That doesn't mean we have to-"
"BUT, be that as it may, he is my boss and he did give me a gift and I'm certainly not going to toss it back in his face. What if he asks me about some piece of the decor? What if he asks me how the food was? You know I can't lie worth a damn, Ellie."
Elaine sighed.
"Let's just go in, eat, and get out of here. 'll make it up for you this weekend. I know a vendor that owes me a favor- he can get us reservations at The Golden Goose."
"The Golden Goose?" Elaine asked, startled. "On Three days' notice? Are you serious?"
Dan put a hand to his heart and mimicked the Boy Scout salute. "For you, love, anything."
Elaine cocked her head and smiled. "All right..." she said. "Let's just go and... I don't know, years from now we'll probably all be laughing about this."

As they walked across the parking lot and up the steps, they each remarked how odd and out of place this seemed to be for Mr. Ostmeyer.
"Do you think he's starting to lose it a bit in his old age?" Elaine asked.
"Not at all," Dan said as he reached the door and held it open for his wife, the smell of cooking barbeque and the sound of rock music wafting out of the doorway. "I was just sitting in with a strategic meeting with the CFO, COO and a handful of other board members. Mr. Ostmeyer might have gotten even more dour and crochety in his old age, sure, but the man's still sharp as a tack."
"I sure feel overdressed..." Elain said as the went up to the host's podium, her high heels clicking on the tile floor.
"Sure doesn't seem like a suit and evening dress kind of place..." Dan agreed as they waited for the host to get off the phone.
"Welcome to Juggalos, how can I help you folks tonight?" The host said, smiling at them as he leaned forward on his elbows. "Just two?"
"Well, my boss gave me this coupon..." Dan said as Elaine fished it out of her purse. "What exactly is..." Dan and Elaine both stopped as they noticed the host had frozen in place, eyes wide as though he'd seen a ghost.
"Oh... oh my... Could- could I see that for a second, please?" The young man asked, reaching out his hand. Dan passed the host his ticket, wondering what on earth could be the cause for the melodramatics. The host held the coupon up to one of the overhead lights, looking for a watermark, before jabbing a button on his podium that caused the music to cut out.
"Attention, all Juggalos employees," He said into the speaker on the podium, his voice echoing through the PA system. "we have a gold ticket holder, I repeat, we have a gold ticket holder. Please prepare the gold room at once."
Dan and Elaine looked at each other, a communal thought of 'what have we gotten ourselves into?" shared by the married couple. The host was busy doing things to the coupon- holding it under an ultraviolet light, marking a corner with a special pen, and finally comparing two of the numbers on the coupon with an entry ina large leather-bound register.
"Okay, everything seems to be in order here," the host said as he slid the coupon into another folder where Dan saw other, similarly-voided coupons like some kind of scrapbook. "Now you just need to fill out this questionairre and we'll be ready to go.
"Fill out paperwork?" Elaine asked. "To eat?"
"Merely our due rocess to make sure you enjoy your dining experience to the fullest," the host said.
"Are these tickets expensive?" Dan asked.
"Ha!" the host laughed, before he saw Dan wasn't kidding around. "Oh. You're serious."
"They are?" Dan ventured.
"Honestly?" the host said, venturing a glance back and forth before leaning forward close to Dan. "If you have to ask, you probably can't afford one."
Dan put a hand to his head as the host finished getting his papers and pen out. What on *earth* had he gotten himself into? How could one meal possibly cost so much?

"First things first, I'll need a photo I.D.," he said.
"Good grief..." Dan said as he fished out his wallet.
"Well, alcohol is included in the meal, so we would have had to card you anyways," The host said.
"Oh please, you flatter us," Elaine said dryly as she handed over her driver's license as Dan did the same. "We're both over 40, no one would mistake us for teenagers."
"All the same, ma'am," The host said, looking at a computer screen as he tyoed in information.
"So you're 49 and your wife is 46?"
"Okay... any allergies?"
"No, nothing," Dan replied.
"Nothing at all? Not just food, but bee stings, penicilin, any kind of allergy at all?"
"Bee stings? What on earth do you-"
"Just looking out for your safety, sir."
"Well- I- But-" Dan stammered, before sighing and running a hand back over his graying brown hair. "No. No allergies."
"All right."
"What's next, you going to ask for our measurements?" Elain asked.
"Oh no, Ma'am, those wouldn't matter at all," The host said. "Oh, though I do need your car keys."
"My car keys?" Dan asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Valet service is included, sir."
"Okay..." Dan said, handing over his keys. The host took them, tapped a few more keys on the podium's computer, and pocketed the keys.
"All right," he said, "The gold room should be ready now. Right this way, please."

Dan and Elaine followed the host into a side hallway away from the main dining area. As they passed by, Elaine noticed that the waitresses all wore odd costumes- she saw what looked like fake ears and tails, but the rest of the costume was so oddly shaped she couldn't figure out what it was as they were whisked through the restaurant. Finally they came to a pair of large double doors, like the kind kitchens have except wider. The host swiped a keycard through a reader next to the door, and Dan heard a rather heavy bolt unlock. He actually felt his heart race a bit, like he was about to be let in on some grand secret. The doors opened, and inside was...


Well, almost nothing. It was a low-lit room with red carpet and green velvet coverings above oak paneling to the center of the wall. Paintings hung on the walls, along with fases and other antique stonework in the corners. In the middle of the room were two high-backed chairs facing each other, although only one of them had armrests on it, and several more of the armless chairs lined up against the far wall. The host walked to the middle of the room and gestured to the two chairs.
"Uh... Where's the table?" Dan asked as he took the seat with the armrests.
"Your table is coming, sir," The hose said, smiling. "Can I take your purse or anything?" He asked Elaine.
"No, I'm fine..." Elaine said, looking around at the bizarre room. "But can I get a water to start with?"
"Oh, all of your food and drink tonight has already been picked out," He replied, "but it will only be a moment until your servers get here." With that, he took a slight bow and went back out the double doors. Dan and Elaine were left sitting in silence, not even so much as a table in front of them. The silence was itself unusual- the walls must have been insulated to be soundproof.
"So, you're still certain Mr. Ostmeyer didn't get Alzheimer's or anything?" Elaine asked, her hands kneading the dress in her lap.
Dan just shook his head. "Honey, I have no idea what's going on. I swear I had no idea what I was getting us into."
Elaine siged, wringing her dress in her hands. "Are you sure we can't leave?"
"Oh, come on, Ellie, aren't you the least bit curious? Tell me you've ever seen, ever *heard* of anywhere doing anything like this? Besides, if the host was telling the truth and this was as expensive as he said, there's got to be *something* good at the end of it, right?"
Before Elaine could answer, another set of double doors opened behind her, an their server came out. She was a young woman with blonde hair, wearing a sleeveless tank-top emblazoned with the Juggalos logo and a similarly-embroidered cap with a pair of fuzzy ears poking out the sides. She had on a pair of bright orange shorts, with what looked like a tail trailing off the back of it, and a pair of orange and white sneakers. Around her waist she had a whote belt, looped around her waist several times and festooned with metal rings hanging off it all around, making a pleasnt jangling noise as she walked.
"Good evening, folks, welcome to Juggalos!" She said, standing off to the side of the two chairs. "My name is Kary, how are you doing tonight?"
"Oh, ah, good, thank you," Dan said, trying to make conversation. "It's our anniversary today."
"Oh, how sweet!" Kary said, clasping her hands togther next to her face. "Well, you certainly picked a good night, then. This will be *so* romantic for the two of you."
"Just out of curiosity, where's the table?" Elaine asked.
"Oh, it's coming," Kary said. "We just need to get you into your apron first." She unfurled the white cloth she'd walked in with, showing a targe chef's apron with "Juggalos" printed in large letters across the chest.
"...I'm sorry?" Elaine said.
"It will just take a moment," Kary said. "If you can just stand up I'll lace it up for you and everything."
Elaine looked to Dan, but her husband just shrugged. "Just do it and we can get this over with, Ellie," He suggested.
Elaine sighed and stood up. Kary put the apron over Elaine's shoulders, tying the strings together behind her neck. "You have very pretty hair," Kary said as she pulled the apron around Elaine's back, the wide apron wrapping entirely around her before Kary tied the apron's strings at her back.
"Thank you," Elaine said, smoothing the apron out. "I'll be sure to pass the compliment on to my colorist." She tugged at the apron a few times, looking at the long trailing strings falling nearly to the ground from the knots tied behind her. "...Don't you have anything smaller? I feel like I'm wearing a pool covering."
Kary looked critically at Elaine for a few seconds, turning up her lip and shaking her head. "No, that looks like it should fit."
"but it doesn't fit at all," Ealine countered.
"Oh, right," Kary said as she started to back towards the door. "But it will. I'll be just a second and then I'll be back with your table."
Bewildered, Elaine could only sit down and stare. "Why didn't you have to put one of these ridiculous things on?" She asked her husband.
"Dear, we are through the looking glass now," Dan said, spreading his hands. "My honest suggestion to you is to just sit back and try to enjoy the ride."
"Well... I suppose we've had worse anniversaries," She said, smiling in spite of herself. "Remember Aspen?"
"Oh dear me, yes, of course," Dan said, putting a hand to his forehead and chuckling. "Just the two of us for miles around, a nice comfy lodge made up just for the two of us..."
"...and the key to the lodge's door locked inside of it," Elaine finished, chuckling as well.
"So hey, at least it can't be that bad, right?" Dan said as the door opened back up and Kary came back inside, holding a bundled red cloth. "Is that my apron?" Dan offered.
"Oh, no sir, this is your tablecloth," Kary answered.
"But there's no table to put it on," Elaine said, arching an eyebrow at the waitress.
"No no, you're table's coming right now," Kary said. "see, here they are."
Dan looked as the doors opened at the far end of the room and he gaped at what came out of them. At first he refused to believe they were real- nothing human could actually look like that. But as the two servers approached, he could see that nothing artificial could move in so lifelike a fashion.
The servers wore the same uniforms as Kary, but what made it impossible was what was stuffed inside them. The Juggalos tank tops were filled to overflowing with breastflesh, huge orbs of cream-colored jello that shook and gyrated with every step, so much so that they buldged out wider than the girls' torsos, nearly twice as wide as the rest of her put together. When they came around Elaine's chair, she gasped in surprise, looking from the two girls to Kary and back to Dan.
"You've got to be kidding!" Elaine cried out as the two girls got on their knees on the floor, facing each other, slowly letting their breasts push together until they formed a four-foot square mat of flesh.
"I'm Janice!" One of the girls on the floor said.
"And I'm Maggie!" The other continued. "We're going to be your table tonight. We've got all the silverware and condiments and spare napkins you could need," She said as Kary spread the tablecloth over their mashed bosoms, "So just ask if you ever need anything!" The two girls quickly set out napkins and silverware, the meaty "table" seeing to be pliable yet firm. Dan could feel one of the servers' breasts pressing a little against his knee, and he scoothed back in is seat, suddenly uncomfortable with all this forbidden fruit being thrust upon him.

Elaine rose from her seat suddenly, causing Dan, Janice, and Maggie to all look at her.
"That is it!" She yelled, stormig from her seat.
"Ellie-" Dan started, putting his hands on the table and pushing up out of his chair, momentarily losing his train of thought when he remembered what the table he was pushing on was made out of.
"Don't 'Ellie' me, Daniel!" Elaine said, turning at the door. "This- this is obscene! Ridiculous! How could you take me somewhere like this?"
"Eliie, I didn't know, I swear to God!"
"I don't care, I want to leave, now!" She said, walking into the door and hauling to a stop when the lock kept the door from opening.
"Only the host has the key to open the door," Maggie said.
"Yeah, so Gold Ticket people can't be interrupted," Janice continued.
"Well then get him over here!" Elaine shouted.
Maggie and Janice looked at each other. "...We're not allowed to leave until the meal is over," Janice said. "You'll have to wait for Kary to come back."
"Then I'll just go through the other door!" Elaine said as she marched back towards the table.
"No, no!" Maggie said, waving an arm. "That's employees only! If you go through there you'll get arrested for tresspassing!"
Elaine hauled to a stop next to her chair, looking at the two girls in disbelief.
"Look," Maggie said, "someone should be by soon with your drinks. Wee're sorry you're not having a good time, but we can't do anything without the host. As soon as someone gets here we can send for the host."
"Ellie, love," Dan started, guiding his wife back to her seat by the shoulder, "I'm sorry this isn't working out, be please, let's not make a scene here. Just... just sit down and we'll call for the host when our drinks get here."
"...All right," Elaine said, sitting down in a huff. But we are leaving the INSTANT the host can get here, you hear me?"
"That's fine dear," Dan said, taking his own seat and shaking out his napkin before putting it in his lap.

A minute or so later, the door opened and another server came out, again with the impossible bosom. There were two tall cylinders jammed into her cleavage, and Dan couldn't help but feel something stirring in his briefs at the sight of it. When she came around the table, Elaine squeezed er temples with her hand, leaning her elbow forward on the table an instant before jerking back as if burned. Dan figured that she had momentarily forgotten what the table was amde out of, just like he had earlier.
"Here are your drinks," The server said as she removed the cylinders from her cleavage and began unscrewing the tops. "For Mr. Anderwall, a 1932 Mumm..." she said, removing a chilled champagne flute from the refridgerated cylinder and setting it in front of him, "And for Mrs. Anderwall, a Juggalos Very Vain Vanilla milkshake," she continued, bringing out a clear glass filled with a thick white milkshake, a dab of whipped cream on top with a cherry.
"Um, excuse me, miss," Dan started as the waitress began to turn away.
"Yes sir, anything I can get for you?"
"Well, ah, we've decided this isn't really where we'd like to eat tonight."
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir," the waitress said, looking pouty. "Would you like me to get the host to unlock the door?"
"Yes, please, that would be great," Dan said.
"Okay, well, I'll go get him," She said. "Uh, the food for a gold ticket is all made up at once, so we'll just keep bringing stuff out until the host gets here, if that's okay. I mean, we'd have to throw it out anyways..."
"Oh, uh, sure, go right ahead," Dan said. The waitress nodded and left.
"He'd better get here soon..." Elaine groused.
"Well, we might as well enjoy it while it lasts," Dan said, carefully picking up his champagne flute to avoid touching the table. "Here, a toast at least. To the strangest anniversary dinner we've ever had."
Elaine arched her brow at her husband as if to ask 'how to you toast with a milkshake glass?', but he just gave her a simpering look until she acquiesced. The two glasses clinked together and they drank, Dan savoring the fruity bubbles of the champagne, Elaine trying to sip the vanilla mikshake without getting whipped cream on her nose.
"Would you like a straw, ma'am?" Maggie asked, fishing a staw from one of the large pockets on the side of her shorts and unwrapping it behind her back before offering it to Elaine.
"Er, well, sure, thank you," Elaine said, taking the straw and sticking it into the milkshake.

Dan and Elaine waited a few minutes, sipping from their drinks. After a little bit, Kary came back into the room, looking apologetic.
"I'm sorry, folks," She started, "but it looks like the host left for his lunch hour."
"What?" Elaine asked. "Did he take the card?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Kary said, shrugging her shoulders as she clasped her hands together in front of her. "And he left his cell phone at the podium, so we can't even call him."
"Well isn't that just peachy," Elaine said, taking another sip of her milkshake.
"I'm so sorry," Kary said. "We're doing everything we can to find him. In the meantime, your salads should be out momentraily. Oh- would you like a refil, Ma'am?" She asked as Elaine's straw made sucking noises at the bottom of her cup.
"...All right," she said, handing her cup to Kary.
"Well," Dan said as Kary left the room. "Might as well make the most of it. The food's already paid for, so let's just eat until the can find the host."
"I suppose," Elaine said, resting her arms on the table. She started to jerk back, but then stopped and resumed the position, shaking her head dismissively. Dan was glad he had armrests on his chair, the though of reasting his arms on a pair of breasts was still quite awkward to him, if not a little bit sexy...
Something caught his eye as he looked back at his wife. Was there something... off about Elaine? "Ellie," he said, his brow furrowing, "Sit back for a second.
"Why?" She asked as she sat back against the chair, putting her hands in her lap. Dan could swear the Apron was tenting oddly in front of her, almost as though she was stuffing something down the front of her apron.
"Did you... is there something in that apron there?" He asked.
"I don't think so..." she replied, patting her apron. "why?"
Dan looked again, and now he swore there was something odd about his wife. It almost looked as if her breasts were filling out the apron more than they were just a minute ago.
He shook his head. It was an optical illusion, the result of seeing the gigantic mamaries of the servers in comparison. "Nothing, nevermind. Maybe it's the champagne," He chuckled, picking it up by the stem and waggling it before draining the last sip of it into his mouth.
The door opened again, and Dan nearly choked on his champagne as he saw another new serve appear, this one with the same enormous bustline as the drink server but also a waistline that looked beyond impossible. The server's hips and buttocks were huge, absolutely off the scale. A pillow, a shelf of flesh, extended a good two feet to either side and three feet behind the waitress' waist, contained- barely- in enough of the the bright orange fabric that Dan though he could have made a parachute out of it. Dan could barely see the white belt, obscured as it was the billiowing flesh from both above and below, but he could hear the jangling of the metal rings. Some of them were jangling differently, though, and as the waitress got closer he could see it was because there were plates of food hooked on to the rings, laying flat on her jostling hips and butt as she approached.
"Here was are," She said as she came up to the table, lifting two salad plates off the tray on her butt. "For Mr. Anderwall, we have Asparagus, radis, and truffle salad, topped with almond sauce and a side of caviar..." She set the bizarre, yet delicious-lloking salad in front of Dan, "And for Mrs. Anderwall, or spring greens salad with sprouts and house dressing," She finished, placing a much more plain-looking salad in front of Elaine. "Enjoy!"
As she walked away, Janice suddenly piped up. "Would either of you like cracked pepper on your salads?"
"I would, thank you," Elaine said, and Janice produced a pepper grinder from the pack on her back and held it over Elaine's salad.
"Say when," Janice said, grinding a few times and shaking the pepper over Elaine's salad until she was told to stop.
Dan was enjoying his salad, odd though it might have been, when Elaine suddenly laughed out loud. "...What?" He asked, confused.
"Nothing, nothing," Elaine said, holding her napkin up to her mouth. "I just thought of something funny."
"And what was that?" He asked.
"Do you remember that time we were in Italy, and we were eating at that little hole-in-the-wall place, and you tried to pay that little man with the accordian to go away, but he misunderstood and just played more?"
Dan chuckled as he jabbed a truffle with his fork. "God, that was awful. Where was that, that place south of Milan?"
"No, it was the place outside of Florence. Remember? We stayed at the hotel that was just a converted townhome. The one where the maid cooked breakfast every morning?"
"Oh yeah, yeah, I remember," Dan said, though he was getting the feeling something was odd about his wife again. When she laughed, he hadn't seen the wrinkles he'd grown accustomed to seeing on her face. He skin looked clearer, smoother, almost... younger.
"...What are you staring at?" Elaine asked, smiling coyly.
Dan caught himself and shook his head. "nothing! Nothing. I just... you're beautiful," He said, figuring on it being a safe answer.
"Oh, well thank you, honey," She said, reaching into the middle and offering her hand. "It's nice to know after all these years you still think I'm beautiful."
Dan took her hand and held it firmly, still feeling a bit self-conscious about his hand and arm sinking into the breastflesh that made up the table.

Their salads finished and their drinks refilled, it was only a few more minutes before the next course arrived, conveed in the same ludicous manner as before.
"Careful, this one's hot," The waitress said as she lifted the steaming pasta dish from her hips and put it in front of Elaine. "Our famous Angel's Hair Pasta in white sauce," she continued, before seting a bowl of fruit in front of Dan. "And for Mr. Anderwall, a furit salad medely with figs, banana, and other fruits."
"Any luck on finding the host?" Dan asked. Elaine didn't seem nearly so upset anymore, but he was starting to feel uneasy. There was something going on here that wasn't quite right, a suspicion raised further as he watched Elaine eat her pasta. As she took bite after bite, he could swear he saw her hair become more fuller, darken at the roots where normally a bit of grey could be seen. Elaine sat back and smoothed back her hair, and Dan could swear it had gotten longer.
"Something wrong with your food, sir?" Maggie asked, looking at Dan's nearly untouched fruit. "Would you like some salt or pepper?"
"Oh! No, no, everything's fine," Dan said, taking an orange wedge and popping it in his mouth.
Kary came by again, the big-breasted waitress in tow with their refills, and asked how the food was so far.
"Oh, it's great," Elaine said, all her apprehensions apparently vanished, "but honestly? It's not terribly filling. I'm still quite hungry."
"Oh, don't worry," Kary said, smiling. "The Entrees are quite filling. I'm sure you'll be able to get your fill."
Elaine nodded her assent and went back to finishing off her pasta. As Kary turned to leave, Dan rose from his seat and gently touched her arm. "Miss, if I might have a word in private..." He wispered to her.
"Cerainly, sir," She said, walking off to the edge of the room with Dan. "Is something the matter?"
"Well, uh, I don't really know how to say this, but, ah... my wife..."
"Yes?" Kary whispered back.
"Is she- I mean, does she look- Does something seem... unusual about her now, versus when she came in?" Dan felt crazy asking the server, but he felt like he was going crazy.
Kary looked over to Elaine, squinted a bit, and then her eyes popped wide. "Oh my, yes!" she said. "I'm so sorry, let me go fix it right away."
"Fix...?" Dan started, confused. Kary stood by Elaine's chair and leaned down to her.
"Excuse me, Ma'am, could I ask you to stand up for a moment? Your apron needs loosening."
"My apron?" Elaine asked, looking up at Kary. "Oh, yes, I suppose it is on a bit tight." She stood, and Kary quickly undid the knot behind her neck.
Dan's mouth gaped as the apron fell away from his wife and he could see her clearly. Her breasts *were* larger, her hair *was* longer. It was as if he was staring at an alternate version of his wife, twenty years younger and more curvaceous than she'd ever been. As Kary re-tied the knot behind her neck, he noticed that the top of the apron was now forward enough he could the stress Elaine was putting on her formerly conservative dress. Kary then loosened the lower knot as well, Elaine's hips pushing against the strings.
"There we go!" Kary said as she stood back up, brushing her hands. "Better?"
"Much, thank you," Elaine said as she took her seat again and took another sip of her milkshake.
"Wh-what is going on here?!" This time it was Dan's turn to make a scene, standing behind his chair with his hands on the back.
"What do you mean, sir?" Kary asked, looking confused.
"What did you do to my wife?" He demanded.
"I was just loosening her-"
"No! Not that! Why is she- and her- how?" He asked, pantomiming long hair and bountiful breasts.
Kary, Jeanine, and Maggie all looked at Dan like he was crazy. "...You *do* know you got a Gold Ticket meal, yes?" Kary finally asked.
"And?!" Dan countered, holding his arms out to the sides.
"This is whole point of the Gold Ticket meal. This is what makes it so expensive."
"You... but... how?!"
"Trade secret. If we told you that, we wouldn't be able to charge what we do," Maggie said.
"And they couldn't afford to pay us as much as they do," Jeanine added.
Dan looked at his wife, who seemed to be watching with detatched interest, sipping her milkshake. "And... and... you're okay with all this?" He asked.
Elaine shrugged as she put her glass down and leaned her elbows on the table. Dan thought he could see a glimpse of cleavage under the cut of her dress. "It's like you said, honey; It's all already paid for, might as well make the most of it. Besides," She added, smiling coyly, "I thought you said I looked beautiful."
"You did! Er, you do! I mean, I always thought you were-"
"So why not be more beautiful?" Elaine smiled. "Besides, you know I've been asking about getting rid of some of these wrinkles anyhow."
"So, there you go. A little bit of non-plastic surgery, courtesy of Mr. Ostmeyer. Not a terrible anniversary gift, hm?"
"I suppose... as long as you're okay with it, honey," Dan finished, sitting back down in his chair.

"...well then!" Kary said, clapping her hands together and trying to sound upbeat, "It looks like we're all through with your appetizers here, so I'll just take your plates and the entrees will be out shortly." So saying, she gathered up the dirty dishes and briskly walked out the door.
"So... does this happen often?" Dan finally asked Maggie.
"What, the expansion?" She replied. Dan nodded. "Oh yeah. All the time."
"People love it," Jeanine chimed in.
"Good grief..." Dan said, looking at his wife as she slurped down the last bit of her most recent milkshake. He could swear her breasts were already bigger still from when Kary had re-tied her apron.
The doors swung open, and Dan was treated to the most impossibly-sized waitress yet. There was very little of her that didn't appear to be totally envelloped in flesh- from where Dan was sitting, all he could see of her was her head and neck before an avalanche of soft breastflesh, barely constrained inside a tank top that dan was sure could have fit over an actual tank, the paradox of something so large being clearly too small for what it was supposed to contain making his head spin. The massive breasts reached down past her waistline- if the waitress hadn't been wearing underwear there's no way Dan would even have been able to tell. Everything else was obscured by her billowing backside, a veritable matress of flesh that wrapped itself from one thigh to her butt and back to the other thigh. The woman looked like little more than a head, breasts, and butt atop a pair of legs.
"Here we go!" She said, coming up to the table and turning. As her massive rear swung around, close enough to the table to bat Jeanine's ponytail, Kary came up beside her in order to serve the food.
"For Mr. Anderwall, we have Oysters Rockefeller," Kary said, placing the small dish of greenish oysters in front of dan, "And for Mrs. Anderwall, we have the Juggalos Rump Roast and Chicken Breast Special!" She finished, taking up a platter that spanned nearly the entire width of the server's backside and placing it in front of Elaine.
"Goodness..." Elaine said, looking at it hungrily.
"I told you you wouldn't go hungry," Kary said, winking.
Dan gaped at the sheer amount of food on the platter. Alternating strips of beef with whole chicken breasts, smothered in gravy from end to end, three solid feet of meat. Dan was fairly full from all the earlier courses- even the small oysters were looking like a culinary challenge, how could Elain possibly put a dent in so much food?

Elaine, however, seemed to pay no heed to the logistical concerns of so much food. She eagerly, almost ferociously tore into her food, knife and fork virtually flying through the air between her plate and her mouth. Dan had barely finished his first oyster and Elaine had already finished off her first piece of roast and was almost through her first chicken breast. Dan watched in rapt fascination as Elaine just packed away the food, every bite seeming to inflate her more and more.
"Oops, looks like we need to fix your apron again!" Kary said, taking Elaine's chair and sliding it back as Elaine stood. When Kary undid the knot behind Elaine's neck, her breasts visibly surged forward, filling all the slack Kary was giving her.
"Oh, that feels *so* much better," Elaine said, her dress now having lost any semblance of conservatism as Kary loosened the strings around her burgeoning hips. Elaine sat back down, fidgeting slightly.
"Ooh, looks like we need a bigger seat, too!" Kary said, grabbing the back of Elaine's chair and popping it off with a jerk. She went to the wall and grabbed another chair, sliding it into the stool Elaine was sitting on with a *click*. "There we go, see how that fits now."
Elaine hopped back in her seat, her growing bottom now resting comfortably against the back of the doubled chair. "Much better, thank you," She said, finishing off her sixth piece of meat.
Dan was beyond having an appetite at this point. All he could do was watch as Elaine grew. The curve of her bosom pressed ever tighter against the apron, which Kary adjusted once again, taking the opportunity while Elaine was standing to add another chair to either side of her original one, bringing the total number of chairs Elaine's huge backside occupied up to four. Elaine leaned forward to reach over her bosom to get to her plate, and Dan heard the sound of ripping silk, obviously the hem of Elaine's dress finally surrendering under the strain of her breasts.
"Oops!" Elaine said, giggling and putting a hand to her mouth. "Good thing I've got this apron, hee..."
"Exactly what it's there for, ma'am," Maggie said, smiling as Elaine nudged the plate even farther away from her so she could see it over her expansive chest. At the rate she was going, her bosom would entirely encompass her side of the table and overflow onto Dan's, and she was only two thirds of the way through her meal!
"Your refil, ma'am," The drink waitress said, taking the chilled cylinder out from her cleavage and removing Elaine's tenth or eleventh milkshake.
"Oh, thank you," Elaine said, looking up at the waitress as she dabbed an errant spot of gravy off of her cleavage. "Just, ah..." Elaine looked around, noting as if for the first time there wasn't a single flat surface within arm's reach not filled with her breasts or hips.
"Here we go," the waitress said, plunging the bottom of the cup into Elaine's cleavage, the straw crooked towards her mouth.
"Oh! Wonderful, thank you!" She said, craning her neck and taking a sip of her milkshake before continuing.

Two more times Kary had to adjust Elaine's apron and add more seats, turning the collection of snapped-together chairs into something more akin to a bench. Eventually even that was insufficient; Elaine had to stand and allow the bulk of her enormously inflated posterior to rest on the bench while she ate, her breasts exceeding even those of the entree' waitress' as they took up her entire half of the table.
"This is my favorite part," Jeanine said sheepishly as Elaine's breasts crept across the table with each bite, their bulk finally meeting some resistance against her and Maggie's heads. As Elaine finished off the last few parts of the platter, Dan reflected on her apron; seeming at first to be comically oversized, it now barely kept her decent. The long strings coming off the top and sides of the apron barely had enough length to knot behind her neck and at the back of her butt: from the top of the apron to the knot at the back of her neck was little more than a giant line of cleavage, a fissure of flesh Dan could see himself drowning in. And the bottom of the apron was even more stressed; while it was originally large enough to wrap around her twice before needing to be tied, now the sides were fisibly denting in her flesh as the Apron tried to cover the rest of her expansive midsection, the fabric pulled tight as an army cot over some stretches of firm, bulbous meat. Thankfully, enough of Elaine's dress had survived to preserve her modesty it he lower knot broke, but her floor-length dress barely came to above her knees now, what with all the additional acreage it had to cover before falling off her hips.
"Oh, my goodness," Elaine said, sitting back with a creaking sound, "I've never had anything so delicious in all my life."
"You... you feel okay, honey?" Dan said, his concern for his wife the only thing more powerful than his carnal attraction to her at that moment.
"Oh, just heavenly," Elaine said, squeezing her breasts with both hands, which pushed her milkshake up enough that she could reach the straw. "I'm so stuffed I don't think I can even move."
Dan wondered if she could move regardless; she had to weight on the high side of three hundred pounds will all that meat on her.
"So, how was everything?" Kary said as she came and picked up the plates. "Anyone save room for dessert?"
"Dessert?" Dan laughed, looking at his wife. But Elaine had perked up, literally rolling forward on her butt as she leaned on the table, blissful smiles crossing Maggie and Jeanine's faces as Elaine's breasts mashed into their faces.
"I suppose I've got a little room left," She said, grinning. "What do you have available?"
"For you, ma'am? We've got our very special 'Death by chocolate' ice cream sundae. Can I put you down for one?"
"Oh yes, please!" Elaine said, rubbing her hands together in front of her.
"And you, sir? We've got a mint chocolate tartufo if you'd care for it."
"Uh... no, no thank you, I'm fine," Dan said as he wondered what on earth more could happen to his wife. He was still concerned for her, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. Even if it was temporary, Dan was resigned to just letting her enjoy the moment.
Elaine reached across the table again, her elbows sinking into her breasts as he leaned forward. "Thank you so much, honey," She said, a small bit of blush in her cheeks. "This has just been..." she sighed. "Heavenly."
"Well, I just want you to be happy, love."
"I know," she sighed again. "You're so sweet and so kind. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Ellie," he said, glad that at least she was still all right upstairs. He knew she would stay by him through thick and thin, and vice versa, though he was pretty sure this wasn't what Pastor Mark had meant when he described "Through sickness and in health"...

Kary came out with the Desserts, eliciting a burst of applause from Elaine. Kary set the towering sundae glass in Elaine's cleavage, causing a wave of goosebumps to radiate all the way down to her nipples, which were alread tenting the apron like an adolescent's erection. Elaine wasted no time in devouring the sundae, whole scoops of ice cream disappearing down her throat with the same ease Dan would toss back an M&M.
"Ooh, ice cream headache..." Elaine said, dropping the spoon into the gass and putting a hand to her forehead with a sheepish grimmace. Dan merely smiled until he noticed Elaine's ears seemed to be shrinking. He leaned forward slightly, his eyes narrowing as he confirmed that yes, Elaine's ears were shrinking, disappearing behind the mane of raven locks Elaine had grown since dinner started. It looked like they vanished entirely, but then Dan's eyes popped wide as he saw a new set of ears pop out the top of Elaine's head. They were russet-colored with white at the tips, looking almost exactly like the ears all the waitresses wore on their hats...

Wait, wore?

Without really thinking, Dan reached over and grabbed Jeanine's ear and gave a quick tug on it. Jeanine winced in pain and Dan snapped his hand back like he'd been bit.
"No, don't worry about it," Jeanine said, turning her head so she could talk without getting a mouthfull of Elaine's breasts, "we're used to it by now. But yeah, they're real."
Dan looked as Elaine shivered, the motion sending tremors up and down the breath of her flesh. "And the tails...?" He ventured.
"Yup," Maggie said, winking at Dan. "I think they're really cute, personally."
"Ooh, just had a chill down my spine!" Elaine laughed, finishing off the last few bites of the sundae and dropping her spoon inside, an immensely satisfied look on her face. Dan would almost swear he heard her purring.

"Well, that looks like the end of the food!" The host said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Sorry I was gone so long."
"Oh, yes," Elaine said, turning her head to look at the host. "I'm sorry to have rushed you- everything was excellent."
"Oh, no worries, ma'am," The host said as Kary took the last of the dishes off the table. The host walked up to the table and neatly folded up the tablecloth, tucking it under his arm. "Girls, if you could help with clean-up?"
Jeanine and Maggie both rose to their feet, shaking out the pins and needles a little before they began to disassemble the chair-bench Elaine had been sitting on.
"Ah, do I need a tip...?" Dan said as he got out his wallet.
"Oh, no sir," Jeanine said as she finished putting the last of the chairs against the wall. "Gratuitiy is included in the price of the ticket."
"Well, but is it enough?" Dan asked. "I can't imagine how uncomfortable-"
"It's plenty enough," Jeanine said.
"Really? Because-"
"Like, a semester of classes plus books enough," Jeanine whispered into Dan's ear, leaning in close enough to rub her breasts against his arm.
"Ah," Dan said, flushing a bit.

"So then, are we ready to leave?" the host asked.
"Oh, yeah," Dan said, patting his coat. "Uh, I'll need my keys back..."
"Oh, your vehicle has already been returned to your home," The host said, causing Dan to do a double take.
"Excuse me?"
"We returned the vehicle to the address on your driver's license," the host explained before leaning in. "...Were you under the impression you'd be able to take her home in it?"
Dan looked at his wife and realized the host was right; Elaine's impossible dimensions wouldn't be able to fit in anything smaller than the bed of a pickup truck.
"We've arranged for your transportation and lodging tonight," The host continued loud enough for Elaine to hear. "A limousine is waiting outside to take you to your hotel."
"Limousine? Hotel?" Elaine asked excitedly. Dan could see in the reflection of a painting's frame behind her that her fox-tail was swishing back and forth eagerly.
"Naturally," the host said. "I don't think your home's doorways would accomodate you currently." He leaned back towards Dan and muttered out the side of his mouth "To say nothing of your bed..."

The host led Elaine and Dan outside, where a monstrous behemoth of a vehicle was parked. It was a limousine, but only in the most technical sense of the word. Looking more akin to a semi-trailer with tinted windows, the vehicle was at least ten feet high, with two large sliding doors on the side and another door up front for the driver.
"Ma,am, if you would..." Two of the normal-sized servers said as they opened the double-doors, creating a space large enough for even Elaine to fit through easily.
As Elaine was helped up the steps to the door, the Host tapped Dan on the shoulder. When he turned, the host had a small orange and white bottle with the Juggalos logo on it. He shook it, and Dan could heard rattling inside, like one of the perscription medicine bottles for his bad knee.
"The initial effects will wear off within a day," the host said, sliding the bottle into Dan's inside breast pocket, "and every pill will last for eight to ten hours afterwards. Do NOT," he said, pointing his finger at Dan and admonishing him in a frighteningly serious tone, "I repeat, do NOT give her more than one pill at once."
"Is- are they dangerous?" Dan asked, pulling the bottle out and looking for an active ingredients list.
"Well, not by themselves, no- it's literally impossible to overdose on these," the host replied. "but Juggalos is not responsible for any property damage or physical harm brought on by abusing these. If your lawyer shows up because you've flattened your townhome in a fit of passion we *will* send them away empty-handed."
Dan thought for a second before connecting all the dots. "Oh. ...OH," he said, eyes wide.
"Right," the host nodded. "So you be careful with those. Now, it's time for you to go. Right this way, sir..."
Dan went up the portable steps, climbing into the enrmous cab of the limousine with his wife.
"Mmm... hasn't this just been wonderful, honey?" Elaine said, hugging Dan into her. Dan found himself sinking into a soft pillow, like a large down comforter except warm and slightly slick. He adjusted his footing, hopping up so he was actually sitting on his wife's hip, the firm, soft flesh acting as a servicable pillow. Elaine and Dan hugged, Dan mashing into his wife's mountainous breasts, both spouses overwhlmingly in love with each other. The night might have served to spike their more carnal desires for each other, but above it all was the fact that they'd been able to share another amazing experience, marking another year of happy marriage to one another.

"So..." Elaine said, her head next to Dan's, the one arm that could reach beyond her bosom holding him tightly to her.
"so?" Dan asked, smiling.
"So I can't reach the lower tie on this apron..."
"Oh?" Dan said coyly, nuzzling his wife's neck. "And why would you need to reach that?"
"Mmm... why indeed," Elaine said as the lights began to dim, the Juggalos driver in the front seat twitching her ears as the lights in the cab dimmed.

"'Morning, Anderwall," Mr. Ostmeyer greeted Dan in his customarily curt manner as he passed through reception.
"Good morning, Sir," Dan said, before calling after him. "Sir!"
Mr. Ostmeyer turned on a dime, an intense and intimidating habit he used to great effect on his subordinates. "Yes?"
"Uh, thank you very much for your gift, sir," Dan said, blushing slightly.
"Mmm... so you say?"
"Excuse me, sir?" Dan said, taken aback by Mr. Ostmeyer's accusatory tone.
"I hear those tickets sell for a lot of money on the internets," He said. "Did you really take your wife there?"
"Of-of course, sir! We had a wonderful time!"
"Did you?" He asked, turning and heading towards his office. "How was the food?"
"Uh, it was great. I had oysers rocke-"
"And the decor?"
"Well, a little garish in the main restaurant, but-"
"The valet?"
"Well, we didn't actually drive-" Dan stammered, wondering why on earth he was getting the third degree as he follwed Mr. Ostmeyer into his office.
"Tell me this, Anderwall," Mr. Ostmeyer said. "Show me something to prove why it is you're coming in right on time this morning instead of ten minutes early like you usually are. Show me why you smell like you've only had a five-minute shower instead of the fifteen-minute one you normally do. Show me why your hair is still wet on the tips." He leaned forward at his desk, glaring into Dan's eyes. "Show me what you're thinking about *right now*."
Dan's mind raced, wondering what Mr. Ostmeyer meant by what he was thinking about, until his mind wandered to his inside breast pocket and he realized what Mr. Ostmeyer was getting at. Dan slowly reached up and grabbed a barely-visible lump in his suit and shook it, the pills rattling inside their plastic cage.
"Hmph," Mr. Ostmeyer said as her opened one of his desk drawers. As he reached inside, Dan wondered for a moment if he'd gotten the wrong impression, if he'd had the wrong idea?
Dan's fears were put to rest as he heard a shooka-shooka-shooka sound coming from Mr. Ostmeyer's desk, albeit a much smaller one, a smile creeping over the old man's face. It was a nearly totally alien expression on the sern taskmaster CEO, but Dan couldn't help smiling back at its mischeviousness.
"I certainly hope you enjoyed the Gold Room as much as I did, m'boy," Mr Ostmeyer said as he closed his dek drawer and folded his hands on his desk.
"All that and more, sir," Dan said, remembering the seemingly interminable night of frenzied passion he and his wife had shared, exploring and caressing and loving every square inch of her newfound figure.
"Oho! A challenge?" Mr. Ostmeyer said, looking as stern and competetive as ever. "Perhaps after the Denver show we should have a company dinner at Juggalos- couples only?" He continued, winking as Dan nearly grew faint at the thought of a room full of Juggalos customers. "Why don't you take the day off?" Mr. Ostmeyer said, looking serious. "Lord knows I didn't get any work done the day after. Go on, shoo, get it out of your system, I'll have O'Malley handle your meetings today."
"Uh, yes sir, thank you sir," Dan said, his heart already racing.

Dan barely made it three steps out of Mr. Ostmeyer's office before he broke into a run, his cell phone in one hand and the pill bottle in the other by the time he made it to the front door.
"Honey?" Dan said as he raced through the parking lot to his car, "Get the apron out, I'm coming home early!"
Elaine's cry of joy was all the confirmation he needed.
Dan loved his wife.
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