New story. A.C.E.S.

[Memorex75]

A.C.E.S.
Pt.13
End? Or Beginning?

Hanna leaned back and lifted her chest. “Ok I’m ready but I want to get my stretch top on at least.” She said. “Hanna are you sure?” “It is doable but it’s not gonna be fun.” Grace said. “Grace...” Hanna growled feeling her emotions shift to flaring anger. “I’m not going out their topless like this.” “Ok, ok relax.” Grace said cooly not wanting to agitate her. She picked up the stretch top and not so gently pulled it over Hanna’s head, she had had a long night to with the endless crying, giggling and flashes of rage that was Hanna’s moods. Hanna bit her tung as Grace pulled it over the surface of Hanna’s still huge wide chest and stood looking at her with an ‘I told you so’ expression on her face. “Thank you.” Hanna bit the words off and staggered toward the door.

“God I want a shower, I feel gross after being on that bathroom floor so long.” Hanna moaned from the back set of the SUV. “Well you certainly earned it after today.” Grace said. “The clock reads 5:23AM so we’ve pulled a 20 hour shift at least with office hours on top.” Hanna sat quiet for a good long time thinking. “So I’m really am an A.C.E.S. now.” She said aloud. “Yeah no one can argue that.” Grace said. “Poor Sammy was defiantly the biggest over the limit I’ve ever seen and you took it like a trooper.” Hanna didn’t answer she just let the thought of really being an A.C.E.S. sink in.

The shower was an interesting experience at her size. It felt like thousands of figures touching her at once and had it not been for how scummy she felt she could have done without it. Hanna collapsed on her bed, her still melon sized breasts jiggling to a stop beside her. I can’t believe all I’ve done today. She thought as she drifted into sleep.

Hanna did not have to work the next day, Joanna covered for her and on waking at 3 in the afternoon Hanna sat in the rec room listening to all the praises of Kesia and unbelievably Sydney on all her good work. They had herd it all from Grace on her way out last night. “From what I hear.” Sydney said. “Sammy may have been a record breaker for size.” “It is very impressive work being familiar with the patient and still remaining so controlled.” Kesia said. “I’m just grateful to Joanna for taking my day today so I didn’t have to go out again the next day.” Hanna laughed. Hanna spent the rest of the day not doing much and it was great she would have to take Joanna’s day tomorrow but today she was free and clear.

The next morning was to be Hanna’s first solo job and she actually felt butterflies. So long as I don’t get lifted into the air again, today won’t be that bad. She thought. Hanna dressed a little nicer today than normal, she felt special. Hanna sat at her desk waiting on the inevitable call. “Don’t worry Hanna.” Grace said behind her making her jump. “I know your ready for this.” “Thanks Grace.” Hanna said smiling at her friend. At 10 o’clock the phone on Hanna’s desk beeped and Hanna stood drawing in a deep breath. “Who is it today Rachel?” Hanna asked as she stepped out into the front office. “Wow Hanna looking good.” Rachel said. “It’s an in home job she said she’s done growing and is a fair size but nothing critical.” “Thanks Rachel.” Hanna said and strolled out to her SUV.

Hanna fumbled at the lock for a few minutes but after opening the door she saw a pretty young woman sprawled over her swollen chest in the middle of the floor looking up at her. “Hi, My names Hanna Summers and I’m with A.C.E.S.” Hanna said and hesitated for a minute at how naturally it came out, this was who she was. “I’m here to help.” she said.

~-~


In the years to come Hanna Summers became a very well respected and loved member of A.C.E.S. She eventually Married Owen and although they were not allowed to have children because of her job they lived vary content lives together. Upon her retirement Hanna and Owen adopted a child and in her free time Hanna consulted on several cases for the agenise and trained several new candidates.

After retiring Grace decided to become a Chief. The restaurant she worked at was one of the most famous and successful in the city. She remained good friends with all the members of A.C.E.S. her whole life.

Samantha got over her out break and continued going to school and then collage. She got a job as a graphic designer and was vary successful. She remained best friends with Hanna, Phoebe and Kelly her whole life and never had to feel awkward around Hanna and her co-workers because she had topped them all.

Phoebe had an out break late in collage, though not nearly as bad as Sammy’s. Hanna was their for her despite not having to work that day and she preformed the healing for her friend.

Jennifer also married her boyfriend to and they lived together through the years Jennifer had to work at A.C.E.S.

After working in America for many years Kesia returned home to her country and in later years became minister of health for Namibia.

Joanna went into management at the agency after her retirement and was placed in charge of managing the A.C.E.S. departments in an entire state.

Sydney never held down a normal job after her retirement but her savings and government pension kept her living well and travailing the world on her bike.

The End.

[LivingBattery]

Great job!

[jsands]

Not too bad!

Despite spelling and grammar issues and rushed expansion descriptions, the story held me in.

Wish you had more to tell before the epilogue bit.

[BillPratt]

Post timed out and got eaten. Not going to recreate all of the examples. General gist: the single best improvement to this story at this point is to break the paragraphs down. Sentences are ideas. Paragraphs are groupings of related ideas. When the idea changes, make a new paragraph. When a dialogue speaker changes, the focus of the paragraph (and as a result the idea) changes and you need a new paragraph.

For more info, and some editing notes, send me a PM.

[PyroWildcat]

Very much agreed with BillPratt up there. You need to separate your dialog up into new paragraphs whenever the speaker changes; it's a serious pain to read when an entire conversation is crammed into one paragraph. You also seem to bind separate sentences into their own quotations, even when subsequent sentences are said by the same person; that just makes it worse.

Another thing I've been seeing a lot of is that you need to be more careful when using spell check; it's not an automatic 'my work is now proofread' button, you need to be sure that it keeps the words you want to use, not random words that have similar spelling. I saw a lot of 'principle' used in place of 'principal', 'waste' instead of 'waist', and the usual messes with your/you're, their/they're/there, etc.

As jsands mentioned, the BE/breast descriptions were pretty rushed at best, at times almost completely absent; I'm not asking you to go nuts when describing every instance of huge and/or growing boobs, but when you write a story specifically about BE, that's one aspect you don't really want to half-ass.

That said, you have a neat idea here, and this has quite a bit of promise. Keep track of the things you need to work on, and practice writing often; you'll get better.

[Memorex75]

Thanks all for the feed back guys. My spelling and grammar defiantly leave something to be desired and i'm the first one to admit that. That said this was my first of three stories and I've been sitting on it for some time and just got it and the others out, which may explain why this one is the worst of the three. I'll defiantly work on that sentence and paragraph structure, I was just kinda learning it as i went. I'd love to hear anything more anyone has to say and please take a look at my other works. Sin City Zoo is my most recent and i'm not finished it yet, I'd love to know what people think. Anyway thanks all.
Memo.