[wandering_spirit]

Originally Posted by Dragon

I would deem it excellent. There's some wording issues that you'll want to clear up on any subsequent revisions, but it didn't really detract from the story. I am a little put off by the 'bad father' bit, as well. Seems a little too over-the-top from both his standpoint and the narrator's. I would like it if Yurix's reaction were a little more constrained since you don't live for thousands of years without learning patience. Still the anger is fine, just a little less. The TG and AP are just the right length, but the new story given to "Nikki" is a bit cliched any more. So you're a woman-hater? Well, I'll just turn you into a hooker.
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Well done.

Yeah, I figured that. Must've read too many TG fics.

As for Yurix' patience... well... considering that one of my first role-play 'names', I put myself in my own shoes. If I had the power to set things right, even if it was... retribution, in lack of better words... I might've went for something like it.

Still... what would be a good way to break the 'clich?s'?