Quote:
Originally Posted by splinterfox
Good story, you have good writing skills, but if you are portraying an adult subject like sex, leave out silly terms, like how his penis had every odd name in the book. You are very good at describing things, but your dialog and character development is a bit lacking. Planning out a character beforehand can extremely improve your story, if you fully flesh out a character, even for a short story, you will have a better feel of what their dialog would be. And it just makes it generally easier to form dialog and explain actions.
Good job though, I look forward to more stories from you.
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Thank you for your criticism. Although my partner who helped me usually used words like that, so all I did was follow suit.