Her every fantasy....(Story)

[Keile]

Sooo....it's been a few years that I have been on this forum. I've contributed here and there, certainly, but none of it was my work. It was mostly me finding stuff and sharing it, which I know you guys all appreciate. However, I feel that it is time for me to contribute something of my own.

Problem is I can't draw to save my life so I turn to the one form of media that I can excel at: writing!

This story will contain many different processes but I am going to focus it on growth/GTS content and thus it will be posted here. I plan to make this a long in-depth story, so please please PLEASE do not get antsy if things take a bit to get good. I believe in character development, after all.

Please don't be TOO harsh in critique...this is my first time doing a story like this XD

Edit: I am going to aim for at least a once per week update on this story.

[Keile]

Prologue: Meet Kaila

Kaila is what one would call an ordinary college student. At age 25 she had managed to get into one of the more expensive universities in her area, majoring in nursing. She had a strong belief in kindness and helping others, and would often go out of her way for people less fortunate. Figuring that being a nurse would allow her to help people in a more personal level, this seemed like the natural course to take.

Physically, Kaila is what one would consider to be gorgeous. She had an athletic body with perky C cup breasts a slender waistline and a nice plump rear. By all accounts this girl looked like the kind who could have easily made it in the modeling career, yet she chose to put herself into her books and studies instead. While other girls of her stature were insulting or tormenting others and getting into things such as cheerleading, she spent her time volunteering at hospitals, studying, and hanging out and playing video games with her best friend: Chris.

Kaila and Chris grew up together and have been best friends for as long as either can recall. Their parents had been close friends before they were born, so it was only natural that the two of them would have ended up close as well. From outward appearances it would appear that Chris and Kaila were dating, this would be false. Normally this would be depressing to a man: to be close to such an absolute beautiful woman yet not be able to be intimate, however this situation was different. Kaila was an outspoken lesbian. Though this fact did not stop her from being Chris? first sexual encounter back in High School: as a ?thank you? to him for being such a good friend she had offered to be his first. This also served to help her realize herself as at this time she suspected (but was not totally certain) that she was a lesbian, but she couldn?t confirm it without actually being intimate with a man to see how she felt afterwards. For most people this would make a friendship awkward, however the two of them now look back at this and laugh about it. Though secretly one wished they could do it again?.


Chapter 1

?Hey Kai!? Chris yelled from across the street, ?Wait up!?
Kaila stopped and looked for where her friend was yelling from. Spotting him she waved and smiled as he made his way across the street Frogger-style. Giggling she hugged him tight as her now breathless friend nearly collapsed after reaching the other side.

?Kai! I? *pant* didn?t expect to *pant*? see you here.? He muttered.
Kaila let go of him and took him by the arm, motioning for them to continue walking together. ?I decided to do some shopping before my big trip. I can?t go overseas without anything proper to wear, after all.? She smiled at him again and laughed as the thought dawned on her, ?You?re such a liar?you did expect me here. You were waiting!?

Chris reddened and laughed, ?Yeah?you?re right. I figured this would be a last chance to hang out before your trip since you leave in the morning.? Chris really was a sweet person, Kaila thought, he did try anything to be there for her and care about her?

?Well I nearly got my shopping done, as you can see.? She said, holding up various bags that she was carrying, ?So if you want we can skip the boring stuff and go get dinner.?

Chris smiled and agreed, since shopping wasn?t really his forte?.

About half an hour later the two of them arrived at their usual place. A small dinner on the corner by where they had grown up.

?Kai?.you really don?t have to do this you know.? Chris told her, concerned.
Kaila let out a sigh and forced a smile, sometimes he could be over protective ?Chris?listen, I will only be gone a week. On top of that this is a class trip! I won?t be alone, you won?t need to worry about me.?

Chris relaxed back in his chair, a look of concern on his face. ?Yes but I find it odd that your class is taking a trip to China of all places. I mean isn?t that a bit scary to you??

?Chris, there are people over there in need. We are going as part of our final studies. If I can help people there then why not? They are in poverty and healthcare isn?t widely available to them. This is a win/win for them and our class.? She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek ?I know you are just looking out for me, but I?m a big girl now. I?ll come back to you in one piece I promise. I?ll even bring you a souvenir!? She leaned away from him again, just as the waitress appeared with their food. They spent the next 20 minutes in silence as they ate.

After finishing their meal and making their way outside of the diner Kaila decided to invite Chris over to her place, since she lived close by. Chris couldn?t refuse his best friend, so naturally he went along. The walk to her house was short but nice. Kaila held Chris close to keep warm in the cold night weather, which admittedly felt good though not stimulating.

As she lead the way up to her apartment, she couldn?t help but notice Chris staring at her as she made her way up the stairs. She laughed and gave him a wiggle of her ass, she knew he looked but she couldn?t blame him. She was a beautiful woman and he was, after all, a man. She just wished she could feel for him as he did for her?

They spent the rest of the night playing various PS3 and Xbox games before finally she went to bed. Chris had passed out on the sofa, so she let him stay. She kissed him on the forehead and pulled a blanket over him before stripping down to just her panties and getting into bed herself. The next week was going to be interesting to say the least?.

[CandyKing]

It's not a bad start, it's hard to fully judge it based on this small snippet but my only comment would be some of the dialogue is a little odd mainly because it progresses so quickly from scene to scene. Looking forward to what happens next, especially considering her personality seems on the playful/gentle end!

[Keile]

Originally Posted by CandyKing

It's not a bad start, it's hard to fully judge it based on this small snippet but my only comment would be some of the dialogue is a little odd mainly because it progresses so quickly from scene to scene. Looking forward to what happens next, especially considering her personality seems on the playful/gentle end!

Yeah, I put a few time-jumps in there to speed things along. Otherwise it really WOULD get long winded.

[Mr GorpThorp]

A good beginning, you do write well

[ragnarok385]

From one fairly new writer to another, just keep writing my good man. Solid start, I'm interested to see where the characters go from here =D

[Keile]

Working on the next chapters now. They should be up either tonight or tomorrow.

[Wussy]

Originally Posted by Keile

Please don't be TOO harsh in critique...this is my first time doing a story like this XD

OK

Originally Posted by Keile

Prologue: Meet Kaila

Kaila is what one would call an ordinary college student.

Physically, Kaila is what one would consider to be gorgeous.

Repetitive phrasing, consider revising.

Kaila and Chris grew up together and have been best friends for as long as either can recall. Their parents had been close friends before they were born, so it was only natural that the two of them would have ended up close as well. From outward appearances it would appear that Chris and Kaila were dating, this would be false. Normally this would be depressing to a man: to be close to such an absolute beautiful woman yet not be able to be intimate, however this situation was different. Kaila was an outspoken lesbian. Though this fact did not stop her from being Chris? first sexual encounter back in High School: as a ?thank you? to him for being such a good friend she had offered to be his first. This also served to help her realize herself as at this time she suspected (but was not totally certain) that she was a lesbian, but she couldn?t confirm it without actually being intimate with a man to see how she felt afterwards. For most people this would make a friendship awkward, however the two of them now look back at this and laugh about it. Though secretly one wished they could do it again?.

You mean the straight guy would like to fuck the super-hot girl? I can't imagine that's a secret to either of them.

Also, convincing yourself that you're a lesbian by having teenage sex (awkward) with a virgin (awkward) who's also your best friend (super awkward)? I'm betting that the sex would've been awful even if she thought she was straight.

Chris relaxed back in his chair, a look of concern on his face. ?Yes but I find it odd that your class is taking a trip to China of all places. I mean isn?t that a bit scary to you??

I'm guessing that he's just trying to get her not to go, but of all the things I'd call China, 'scary' isn't one of them. Neither of them elaborate on what is so terrifying about China either, so I'm really confused about this part.

You usually don't relax and get concerned at the same time. When you're concerned, you usually lean in and get more animated as you express your worry, not lean back and casually discuss possibly mortal danger.

As she lead the way up to her apartment, she couldn?t help but notice Chris staring at her as she made her way up the stairs. She laughed and gave him a wiggle of her ass, she knew he looked but she couldn?t blame him. She was a beautiful woman and he was, after all, a man. She just wished she could feel for him as he did for her?

If she's sure of her lesbianism, why does she want to fall in love with him? If anything, she should be wishing he was a girl so she'd be able to reciprocate the obvious affection and desire he feels towards her.

Now, this is just chapter one, and you did say that there's a lot of character development ahead, so I'll better understand where this is going as the chapters come up.

You said to go easy, so I apologize if this seems overly harsh. These are just my opinions and observations, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or off-base on anything.

Overall, I give this chapter a solid C. There's some good setup here (sexual tension between best friends, a trip to an exotic foreign land) but otherwise there's not a lot happening that I can comment on. As the story picks up and we get to know the characters better I'm sure there will be lots more interesting things to discuss!

[Keile]

Originally Posted by Wussy

OK

Repetitive phrasing, consider revising.



You mean the straight guy would like to fuck the super-hot girl? I can't imagine that's a secret to either of them.

Also, convincing yourself that you're a lesbian by having teenage sex (awkward) with a virgin (awkward) who's also your best friend (super awkward)? I'm betting that the sex would've been awful even if she thought she was straight.


I'm guessing that he's just trying to get her not to go, but of all the things I'd call China, 'scary' isn't one of them. Neither of them elaborate on what is so terrifying about China either, so I'm really confused about this part.

You usually don't relax and get concerned at the same time. When you're concerned, you usually lean in and get more animated as you express your worry, not lean back and casually discuss possibly mortal danger.



If she's sure of her lesbianism, why does she want to fall in love with him? If anything, she should be wishing he was a girl so she'd be able to reciprocate the obvious affection and desire he feels towards her.

Now, this is just chapter one, and you did say that there's a lot of character development ahead, so I'll better understand where this is going as the chapters come up.

You said to go easy, so I apologize if this seems overly harsh. These are just my opinions and observations, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or off-base on anything.

Overall, I give this chapter a solid C. There's some good setup here (sexual tension between best friends, a trip to an exotic foreign land) but otherwise there's not a lot happening that I can comment on. As the story picks up and we get to know the characters better I'm sure there will be lots more interesting things to discuss!

Kaila is an amalgam of quite a few people I know IRL.

About the questions as to her sexuality: They are based on someone I know in real life who actually DID have sex with her male best friend as a way to see how it felt to her, lol. She wants to be able to love him because she feels like an outcast, and because throughout their childhood he had been so good to her. That will show back up later one, but a brief explanation would be he was always there for her. He would always protect her, especially when they were younger and she hadn't filled out yet (ugly duckling kinda deal). She feels that his personality is EXACTLY what she wants in a partner but she cannot feel the love for him because of her sexuality. I'm trying to set up a conflict.

If she's sure of her lesbianism, why does she want to fall in love with him? If anything, she should be wishing he was a girl so she'd be able to reciprocate the obvious affection and desire he feels towards her.

I think you miss read the title of the story and where I mentioned "multiple processes" *wink wink nudge nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, say no more!*

Whereas Chris has a heavy emphasis on myself, the majority of his personality is me with a few tweaks.

The trip is scary mainly for the fact that it would be their first time leaving the country. ANY time you leave your native country and are in a new land it can be scary. Culture Shock is what I would call it, but if you notice I kept her quite calm about it all while he was worried. That is part of Chris that is from me: I am a worrier and I tend to overly worry about stupid shit XD

You usually don't relax and get concerned at the same time. When you're concerned, you usually lean in and get more animated as you express your worry, not lean back and casually discuss possibly mortal danger.

Good point, Ill keep that in mind. The way I had envisioned it was kind of a mix of the two. He was going between relaxed look and fidgeting while going more towards leaning over the table. I have a attendance to imagine the situation in my head vividly and realistically...however sometimes I have an issue converting those images into the proper wording.

Oh and it's not the straight guy who wants to fuck the super hot girl. It's the other way around, but she is in conflict with her sexuality and her desire to make her best friend happy. She wants to be able to LOVE Chris as a partner rather than a friend.

Also: I appreciate the feedback, actually. I was quite HOPING you would be one of the ones to review it as you have been one of the major writers on the forum in the past.


That said: Next chapter may be delayed. Classes reared their ugly heads and I have some homework to do. Kinda sucks taking 13 credit hours XD. Expect it up sometime in the next day or two though!

Edit: Screw it. I'm working on Chapter 2 right now. Ill try to get ANOTHER chapter up this weekend afterwards.

[Keile]

Chapter 2

Kaila left a note on next to Chris as she snuck out in the twilight hours of the morning telling him that she was sorry that she left like this and to be sure to lock up when he left. She figured it would be better this way than to wake him up and give him another chance to try and coax her out of this trip, which was pointless of him to do anyway. She had done research in advance and knew what to expect when she landed, she had even learned a little of the local dialect though not enough to really hold a conversation.

As she made her way down the steps of her apartment to the awaiting taxi, she took a moment to look back, she would be homesick she did not doubt, but would get over it. She took her seat as the cab driver loaded her luggage into the trunk for her and let herself drift to sleep in the back seat?.
---------------------------------------------
Chris awoke, startled and sweating. ?Must?ve been a bad dream?? he muttered to himself as he sat upright. ?Kai!?? he yelled towards her bedroom, ?Ya still here Ka-? he stopped short when he noticed the note on the end table obviously written by Kaila in her unmistakable immaculate handwriting, which he envied:

?Sorry to sneak out on you like this, but I didn?t want to wake you up as you slept. I will be back in seven days, please try to keep calm until then. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, this is not some hostile place I am going to! These are friendly people who need my help, nothing more. Please keep an eye on my place while I am gone. Make absolutely sure you keep the door locked when you are not there, as there have been break-ins in the area recently.?
-Your BFF
Kaila

Chris let out a sigh and leaned back on the couch, this was so typical of her. She was always the more rational of the two and would find the easiest way out of a situation, whereas he was always the more emotional of the two. That always seemed backwards to him, as most stereotypes have women being the emotional one?but then again Kaila was different in many ways. It had been like this for as long as he could remember: as children Kaila was always bullied for being a nerd with how she spoke, always articulate and intelligent. Chris often would defend her, while she would remain calm throughout the entire ordeal. Those were the days he missed, when he saw himself as her Knight-in-Shining-Armor, rescuing her from the evil bullies of the playground! He let out another sigh as he brought himself back to reality: Kaila was all grown up and could take care of herself, and infact was doing better than he was?but at least she was still there for him.
Finally getting himself up he took out his phone and sent her a text simply saying ?Stay safe. Keep in touch!? before he went to rummage through her refrigerator figuring that he may as well help her clean out the stuff that would spoil over the week?by making himself a nice big breakfast.
-------------------------------
Kaila boarded her plane without much incident. It was a full flight, but she had managed to get a great deal on first class. She took out a book on various Chinese dialects and began to study?this was going to be a long flight. As the plane took off she took notice of a younger gentleman giving her looks up and down. She had grown accustomed to the attention that she got from men, being that she was quite attractive and simply gave him a little smile and went back to her book.

Many hours, and plane changes, later she arrived at her destination. Beijing was the closest place that she could fly into, but the trip to the small village would take several hours of driving, but first she would have to find the rest of her classmates.

After disembarking from the plane she made her way to the baggage claim, where she spotted two of her friends from class, Jenna and Marcus. Jenna was of an age with Kaila, but she was more short and stout. Marcus, on the other hand, looked like he could have been an Abercombe model but had instead decided to practice medicine. She knew he was going to make many a female nurse swoon before long...

"So glad you made it safely Kaila!" Jenna said to her as they made their way through the airport. "Pete and Nancy should arrive tomorrow. They had trouble during their layover and their flight got pushed back...."

Kaila gave both Jenna and Marcus a hug, "At least we three made it. I would hate to be here all alone without a single familiar face other than the professor."

Marcus cocked a smile at that statement, "Speaking of whom...Professor Spalding said to meet her at the village tomorrow. She said we can take today to recover from jetlag and enjoy the sights while we wait for Pete and Nancy to arrive."

This made Kaila extremely happy, as she had promised to bring Chris home a souvenir and this would give her a perfect opportunity. She decided that they should check into their hotel first, however. So the three of them made their way out of the airport and out into the fresh air of Bejing....

[Wussy]

Originally Posted by Keile

The trip is scary mainly for the fact that it would be their first time leaving the country. ANY time you leave your native country and are in a new land it can be scary. Culture Shock is what I would call it, but if you notice I kept her quite calm about it all while he was worried. That is part of Chris that is from me: I am a worrier and I tend to overly worry about stupid shit XD

Oh yeah, I completely felt that she had the more reasonable response by far. It was Chris that was throwing me off. I think that his objections could've been stronger and less confusing by pointing out the stuff that is of legitimate concern. ("Don't let them mess with your laptop, I heard they install spy programs" "If you get accused of a crime, even if you're innocent, you might not make it home", etc)

Good point, Ill keep that in mind. The way I had envisioned it was kind of a mix of the two. He was going between relaxed look and fidgeting while going more towards leaning over the table. I have a attendance to imagine the situation in my head vividly and realistically...however sometimes I have an issue converting those images into the proper wording.

I totally understand. When a scene is confusing for me, I'll try to act it out in real life to get a better feel for it. But as it's written, he leans back, relaxes, then starts getting agitated.

Oh and it's not the straight guy who wants to fuck the super hot girl. It's the other way around, but she is in conflict with her sexuality and her desire to make her best friend happy. She wants to be able to LOVE Chris as a partner rather than a friend.

OK, fair enough. I just assumed this based on his reaction to her ass wiggle, but you know what they say about making an assumption. "You make an ass out of you and umption."

Also: I appreciate the feedback, actually. I was quite HOPING you would be one of the ones to review it as you have been one of the major writers in the forum in the past.

Well thanks for the kind words! I appreciate that you took the feedback in the spirit it was given in. I really do.

Originally Posted by Keile

Chapter 2
Kaila boarded her plane without much incident. It was a full flight, but she had managed to get a great deal on first class.

I want to know her travel agent, because first class is hideously expensive. I've had reason to look into this, and a $1,000 flight in economy becomes $4,000 for business class, and $10,000 for first class. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen (if you volunteer to bump yourself from a full flight, the airline will often upgrade you on your next trip) but saving even 20% would still leave it very, very expensive.

Many hours, and plane changes, later she arrived at her destination. Beijing was the closest place that she could fly into, but the trip to the small village would take several hours of driving, but first she would have to find the rest of her classmates.

While it's true that it's at least a 15 hour flight from the states, there should've been at most one layover. Beijing is a major hub with hundreds of flights in and out daily. The only plane change would've been from <small airport> to <major airport>, such as Maine to New York, before taking a non-stop the rest of the way. (I've been doing a bit a travel recently)

This made Kaila extremely happy, as she had promised to bring Chris home a souvenir and this would give her a perfect opportunity. She decided that they should check into their hotel first, however. So the three of them made their way out of the airport and out into the fresh air of Bejing....

Haha, if she's expecting fresh air... oh man, is she in for a surprise.

Kaila said that it was a class trip, but there's only 5 students and 1 teacher going?

I like this chapter. Some good characterization via Chris's flashback, and Kaila's trip seems like it's going to be fun for her!

[Keile]

Going to have to put this on hold for a little bit.
4 out of 6 of my classes have decided to give me a major essay at the SAME damn time all due roughly on the same week....sooo I need to pump my writing prowess into those XD