Her every fantasy....(Story)

CandyKing · 01-16-2013

It's not a bad start, it's hard to fully judge it based on this small snippet but my only comment would be some of the dialogue is a little odd mainly because it progresses so quickly from scene to scene. Looking forward to what happens next, especially considering her personality seems on the playful/gentle end!

01-16-2013	#3
CandyKing Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 218	Re: Her every fantasy....(Story) It's not a bad start, it's hard to fully judge it based on this small snippet but my only comment would be some of the dialogue is a little odd mainly because it progresses so quickly from scene to scene. Looking forward to what happens next, especially considering her personality seems on the playful/gentle end!