My Four Breast Friends by praedatorius

[somnium]

Originally Posted by AngelusX

I really liked the story, I had been hoping to see a chapter 5 of no trade backs but this was great, it was short but not too short and I'm glad it worked out for everyone in the end. I've had a similar story idea in my head for a while but never been able to really flesh it out.

I'm glad the story was able to tide you over, and thanks!

A bit of advice: start writing your idea even if it's not fleshed out. Writing helps your mind fill in the blanks.

Thanks again!

[Clickme]

Thats good advice actually. Freetypign is a great exercise in stringing ideas together. It's agood way to get those creative juices flowing. Its....actually how I did all my English Comp essay's this semester lol ^_^ and how I do all my RPing. It's really helped me ot focus my thoguhts and carry the details I really want in the story.

[godleydemon]

I actually happen to agree with clickme. Moira is just.. wow.. the character seems genuine but it just gets to a point where its like.. wow. This Moira's a real b*tch lol. But I think what was pretty ingenious and you may not have intended it, but even though they had fallen out of being friends they had a plight to solve. The previous friends even though they were upset and envious of there old friend seen her in a situation that was caused in a way by all of there meddling. So together they were able to solve the problem and get what they wanted and now there closer than they ever were. Because they came together in a time of need.

Now don't get me wrong. Like my previous review on your deviant art, I thought the story was positively ingenious in some spots. But I really do agree with Clickme, I think you may have gone into the b*tch factor to much on Moira. You made her uncaring, unemphatic, ect. It was as if she had only became friends with the other girls to get at there breasts in the first place. It seems almost out of place. So I have some problems with the validity of Moira's character a bit I guess.

[Noble Sword]

Well written. I enjoyed it. Not to criticize praedatorius for his well written tale and perhaps to clarify for the nay-sayers, but perhaps an additional paragraph at the begining of the tale identifying Moira's desire for large breasts at all costs would highlight her dark side and the motivations for sacrificing her friends to achieve her goals. This perhaps would have gone a long way to reduce some of the criticism. Well concluded where the other friends pull together to help Moira in her time of need. Just a bonus that they also received a share of their magical toils as well.

As a sporadic author, myself, I am glad when my works garner comments.

NS

[somnium]

Originally Posted by godleydemon

I actually happen to agree with clickme. Moira is just.. wow.. the character seems genuine but it just gets to a point where its like.. wow. This Moira's a real b*tch lol. But I think what was pretty ingenious and you may not have intended it, but even though they had fallen out of being friends they had a plight to solve. The previous friends even though they were upset and envious of there old friend seen her in a situation that was caused in a way by all of there meddling. So together they were able to solve the problem and get what they wanted and now there closer than they ever were. Because they came together in a time of need.

Now don't get me wrong. Like my previous review on your deviant art, I thought the story was positively ingenious in some spots. But I really do agree with Clickme, I think you may have gone into the b*tch factor to much on Moira. You made her uncaring, unemphatic, ect. It was as if she had only became friends with the other girls to get at there breasts in the first place. It seems almost out of place. So I have some problems with the validity of Moira's character a bit I guess.

I think you and clickme are right. I didn't do enough to make Moira sympathetic, so no matter what any of the other characters do she still comes off as a rotten person. I wish I had done that better.

[Clickme]

Thats the great thing abotu criticism though, it gives you a new way of looking at something ^_^ Well as long as that criticism isnt hurtful or trolling. I hope I didnt come across that way now that I think of it.

OF course the biggest thing really is that you're happy with what you make. If you're happy with it than it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks ^_^ Well I guess that's a situational thing. I mean if you make something with the intent of selling it or with the expressed purpose of gaining feedback, then it should be something you're open to hearing back on.

sorry, I get wordy when I'm tired >.<

[somnium]

Originally Posted by Clickme

Thats the great thing abotu criticism though, it gives you a new way of looking at something ^_^ Well as long as that criticism isnt hurtful or trolling. I hope I didnt come across that way now that I think of it.

OF course the biggest thing really is that you're happy with what you make. If you're happy with it than it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks ^_^ Well I guess that's a situational thing. I mean if you make something with the intent of selling it or with the expressed purpose of gaining feedback, then it should be something you're open to hearing back on.

sorry, I get wordy when I'm tired >.<

Don't worry, you don't come across as troll-ish, and I don't mind your wordiness.
I am happy with the story, of course; I feel that I pulled off the idea very well. I just like to look for ways to write better, which is why I have you people. I write for myself, but I also write for others; we help each other, in a way.

[yepIC]

the story is no longer on DA? Was that because of backlash in the comments or just updating the story?

[somnium]

Originally Posted by yepIC

the story is no longer on DA? Was that because of backlash in the comments or just updating the story?

It was because someone reported it for a sexualized portrayal of minors. DA deleted it, and now I'm trying to find another place to post it.