Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! - Page 2

Twilight Wolf · 02-10-2013

I'm sorry that I don't really have the time to help you out, but I'd like to tell you how much I enjoyed reading what you have so far, and I hope you'll continue soon.

Your style is already rather good, and I like the idea behind the story, and the way things appear to be developing.

Sadly, these boards are not neccessarily known for their support towards writers (no offence to anyone intended), so don't let a lack of response here make you feel like you're not good enough!

Edit: Maybe one piece of advice about something I noticed: In some scenes you tend to use pronouns (she/her) too often and names too seldom, and it get's a bit confusing as to who is doing what.

CuddleBeam · 02-10-2013

Thank you for the advise! All of the input turn into little precious gems I incrust into my stories.

I will correct the pronoun problem! I tend to run out of synonyms for each character, but I'll thesaurus that problem away!

Ive also finished part 3 and Im working on part 4 now. I just need to edit some derps and I'll upload them.

vincent_richter · 02-14-2013

Shit, yeah, sorry bout that. Been living out of boxes for the past week - we moved a week early and are still getting settled. Expect to have me light a fire under my arse this weekend.

CuddleBeam · 02-14-2013

Quote:

Originally Posted by vincent_richter

Shit, yeah, sorry bout that. Been living out of boxes for the past week - we moved a week early and are still getting settled. Expect to have me light a fire under my arse this weekend.

Ah, don't worry x3. I'm glad to have news from you... And I'm (really) excited to hear your input!

I hope everything goes well with your settling & new house!

Twilight Wolf · 02-15-2013

Still no link for Part 3? ;-)

CuddleBeam · 02-16-2013

Pastebin used to complain about the length of the pasta but now it doesn't.

Meh.

The new pastas are longer than the old ones, which means that the new part 1 is part 1 + a bit of part 2, etc. But all of the content is still there - its just in a different way.

Part1: http://pastebin.com/6ZzmAEuA
Part2: http://pastebin.com/a5p56v5u
Part3: http://pastebin.com/s57qUYpH
Part4: http://pastebin.com/tidzmDpQ

Part 3 and 4 need a lot of polishing on my behalf, I've just written them along the way as it popped into my head, so some things are derpy. During the next week I will get them sorted.

There is also some random "C3: (three sizes)" every now and then. That's droid C3 recording Hirasawas measurements during the story on the sidelines for those who like numbers (like me :P). Adding a measurement scene every now and then all the time would be awkward. I'll add the weight increase too as soon as I can too.

vincent_richter · 02-16-2013

Still dismantling cardboard packages. I'll get on this tonight or tomorrow, if I can't find anywhere to set up my laptop tonight.

All this reminds me how much I need to invest in a good BlueTooth keyboard.
Logitech has an eco-friendly solar-powered for around US $80... wonder if it's any good?

EDIT: Tonight's the night! You'll understand when I finish.

vincent_richter · 02-19-2013

Please tell me you have some method-of-contact on some sort of IM service.
The back-and-forth is breaking my balls.

vincent_richter · 02-19-2013

Wow, I forgot how much work it is to try to preserve the "feel" and "intent" of a story during rewriting. Here's the first subsection of Chapter 1, three hours later.

http://pastebin.com/NKPP5Jaw

EDIT: I apologize in advance about Yuki's hair: you'll see what I mean. It's a cop-out on my part because I've never really written for short-haired characters.

CuddleBeam · 02-20-2013

Vincent, it is maravellous. The added spice and humor really makes it shine. I love it. Thank you a lot. I'll try to put a decent version of the other parts as soon as possible.

vincent_richter · 03-05-2013

Shot through the second section of Chapter 1, two more to go in the first revision.

http://pastebin.com/GZq13g2S

CuddleBeam · 03-09-2013

Awesome, awesome! I love it! I want to be able to do it as well!

I felt quite embarassed as the story went to the more erotic section :P its the first time it happens to me lol. The way you have put it is incredible though. Thank you a lot, it is very helpful!

02-10-2013	#13
Twilight Wolf Shadowy Fella' Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 104	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! I'm sorry that I don't really have the time to help you out, but I'd like to tell you how much I enjoyed reading what you have so far, and I hope you'll continue soon. Your style is already rather good, and I like the idea behind the story, and the way things appear to be developing. Sadly, these boards are not neccessarily known for their support towards writers (no offence to anyone intended), so don't let a lack of response here make you feel like you're not good enough! Edit: Maybe one piece of advice about something I noticed: In some scenes you tend to use pronouns (she/her) too often and names too seldom, and it get's a bit confusing as to who is doing what. __________________ A man's fate is a man's fate And life is but an illusion Last edited by Twilight Wolf; 02-10-2013 at 06:26 AM.

02-10-2013	#14
CuddleBeam DO THE IMPOSSIBLE Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Spain Posts: 872	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Thank you for the advise! All of the input turn into little precious gems I incrust into my stories. I will correct the pronoun problem! I tend to run out of synonyms for each character, but I'll thesaurus that problem away! Ive also finished part 3 and Im working on part 4 now. I just need to edit some derps and I'll upload them. __________________ Thank you everyone! My Deviantart: http://cuddle-beam.deviantart.com/

02-14-2013	#15
vincent_richter ミンナニナイショダヨ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: St. Canard Posts: 6,091	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Shit, yeah, sorry bout that. Been living out of boxes for the past week - we moved a week early and are still getting settled. Expect to have me light a fire under my arse this weekend. __________________ If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

02-15-2013	#17
Twilight Wolf Shadowy Fella' Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 104	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Still no link for Part 3? ;-) __________________ A man's fate is a man's fate And life is but an illusion

02-16-2013	#18
CuddleBeam DO THE IMPOSSIBLE Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Spain Posts: 872	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Pastebin used to complain about the length of the pasta but now it doesn't. Meh. The new pastas are longer than the old ones, which means that the new part 1 is part 1 + a bit of part 2, etc. But all of the content is still there - its just in a different way. Part1: http://pastebin.com/6ZzmAEuA Part2: http://pastebin.com/a5p56v5u Part3: http://pastebin.com/s57qUYpH Part4: http://pastebin.com/tidzmDpQ Part 3 and 4 need a lot of polishing on my behalf, I've just written them along the way as it popped into my head, so some things are derpy. During the next week I will get them sorted. There is also some random "C3: (three sizes)" every now and then. That's droid C3 recording Hirasawas measurements during the story on the sidelines for those who like numbers (like me :P). Adding a measurement scene every now and then all the time would be awkward. I'll add the weight increase too as soon as I can too. __________________ Thank you everyone! My Deviantart: http://cuddle-beam.deviantart.com/

02-19-2013	#20
vincent_richter ミンナニナイショダヨ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: St. Canard Posts: 6,091	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Please tell me you have some method-of-contact on some sort of IM service. The back-and-forth is breaking my balls. __________________ If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

02-20-2013	#22
CuddleBeam DO THE IMPOSSIBLE Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Spain Posts: 872	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Vincent, it is maravellous. The added spice and humor really makes it shine. I love it. Thank you a lot. I'll try to put a decent version of the other parts as soon as possible. __________________ Thank you everyone! My Deviantart: http://cuddle-beam.deviantart.com/

03-05-2013	#23
vincent_richter ミンナニナイショダヨ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: St. Canard Posts: 6,091	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Shot through the second section of Chapter 1, two more to go in the first revision. http://pastebin.com/GZq13g2S __________________ If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

03-09-2013	#24
CuddleBeam DO THE IMPOSSIBLE Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Spain Posts: 872	Re: Cuddlebeams Proofreading & Content Hub! Awesome, awesome! I love it! I want to be able to do it as well! I felt quite embarassed as the story went to the more erotic section :P its the first time it happens to me lol. The way you have put it is incredible though. Thank you a lot, it is very helpful! __________________ Thank you everyone! My Deviantart: http://cuddle-beam.deviantart.com/ Last edited by CuddleBeam; 03-09-2013 at 11:22 AM.