Transcendence (Growth Spurts, BE, Hourglass, Gentle, Omni)

Kitran · 01-31-2015

That's why I can't write stories anymore. I get off on tangents and often deviate from the main plot line.

BTW, you briefly switched from the 1st person perspective to the 2nd person perspective when you wrote ' "Aww, they're adorable there, Felix" Claudia started looking at you.' Should've been 'looking at me'. Otherwise not bad.

01-31-2015	#10
Kitran Lurker Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 21	Re: Transcendence (Growth Spurts, BE, Hourglass, Gentle, Omni) That's why I can't write stories anymore. I get off on tangents and often deviate from the main plot line. BTW, you briefly switched from the 1st person perspective to the 2nd person perspective when you wrote ' "Aww, they're adorable there, Felix" Claudia started looking at you.' Should've been 'looking at me'. Otherwise not bad.