BE Avenger

[Fake_Name]

If you don't mind little tweaks, I can give you a list of the grammatical errors and tweaks for readability:

Page one: Panel one - Homework has no plural, should be homework, not homeworks (error)
Page one: Panel two - Here, holiday is not plural. Gramatically it works, but non-plural is more readable. (tweak)
Page one: Panel three - "a", instead of "the". Since one would assume that is not the only painful time, "a" which indicates plurality, rather than "the", which indicates singularity. (tweak)
Page one: Panel four-six - "Airbags Carriers" The second plural carries over onto the first term. "Airbag carriers" is correct. (Error)

Page two, panel two - "You milk" is incorrect. "Your milk", wich indicates possession, is correct (error)
Page two, panel two - "it' " It does not need an apostrophe. (error)
Page two, panel three - "Succes" is correctly spelled "Success" (error)

Page three, Panel five - Just to illustrate the usage of apostrophes, in this case, "sis' " correctly has an apostrophe, as "sis' " is a slang contraction of sister. (note)
Page three, panel six - "Much more boobs than me" More indicates a greater quantity, rather than volume. The proper adjective is "Much larger boobs than me." (error)
Page three, panel six - "All out mothers breast" Since pretty much no one has a single breast, "breast" should be plural. (error)
Page three, panel ten - Again, "Breast" should be plural. (error)

Page four, panel one - "Spend" is missing a noun to which it refers; "I was hoping to spend time with you" is correct. (error)
Page four, panel two - "I've" is contextually incorrect. The contraction of "I have" is only used in past tense. (error)
Page four, panel five - There's either an "n" and "e" on the "or" or an "e" on the "nor" (either "nor" or "or" would work here) (misspelling - whoops!)
Page four, panel eight - "Advice" is inherently plural. "Advices" is incorrect. (error)

Page five, panel one - "Advices" again (error)
Page five, panel one - "Aren't jealous" I'm not too sure what you mean here. I'd guess you meant "are you jealous", or Aren't you jealous" (note: "aren't you jealous?" is techically incorrect, as without the contraction it would be written "are not you jealous?", The correct way to write it is "are you not jealous?" However, Aren't is used this way so ofter that people usually won't notice, however you use it) (error)
Page five, panel two - "On front of me" should be "in front of me" In this usage, on indicates contact. (error)
Page five, panel two - "They're very soft and warm persons" The plural of "person" is "people". (error)
Page five, panel six - The plural of "purpose" is "purpose", not "purposes". (error)

Page six - You're all good!

Page seven, panel one - The " 're" is in the wrong place. "How you're doing" can be broken down into "how you are doing", which is incorrect. "How are you doing" is correct, which has no contractions. (error)
Page seven, panel one - "D'you" is not a proper contraction. If you intended it co convey an accent, it's fine, otherwise, get rid of it. (error)
Page seven, panel three - "Those two puppies" Since she's referring to her own breasts, she would probably refer to them with "these", rather than "Those" (If you're japanese, Which I guess you are, it's like kore ~ these, vs sore ~ those, though these and those are plural versions of this and that respectively). (tweak)

Page right, panel one - "you'll be that busty in less than a month" Since she's referring to herself, she would say "this", rather than "that". (error)
Page right, panel one - "Most incredible breast of whole japan" Firstly, breast should be plural (people have two breasts). Second, "Of whole japan" is incorrect It should be in the whole [/b]of[/b] japan", or "in japan". (error)
Page right, panel one - "We'll see that" Should be "We'll see [b]about[b/] that" Don't ask me to explain why. (error)
Page right, panel five - "I rather calm down or I am going to" You need an operator between "I" and "rather". "I'd rather calm down or I am going to" would work, "I'd better calm down or I am going to" is better. (Error)


If you want me to explain anything, just ask. It's been a long time since i've taught anyone grammar, and most of my terminology is a little fuzzy. Overall, I'd say that if you try to avoid contractions, everything would go a lot more smoothly. English is a really bizarre language, and most contractions have to be evaluated on a per-usage basis. Some of them still don't make sense.

Also, don't take my corrections as negative! Your art is great, and If you wan't help with english, don't hesitate to ask!

[ryohji]

I was quite aware for the mistakes on the 5 fisrt pages, but thanks. Some mistakes were really awful thanks to my hurry to write those dialogues.

[Fake_Name]

Whoops, your DA profile says you're french, not japanese.

Whatever, good luck!

[coolguy003]

This looks like it will lead to many fun adventures

[Chazamataz87]

Nosebleeds on keyboard....WOW what an awesome comic can't wait to see more!

[ryohji]

Originally Posted by Fake_Name

Whoops, your DA profile says you're french, not japanese.

Whatever, good luck!

No worries, I take it as a compliment.
I checked and "person" can be used in plural with an "s" , but it is very rare (or maybe only in England because I am supposed to speak a proper BBC english), so I should rather use "people" instead and stop writing in english at 1.00 Am without my grammar book, a good rest and a dictionary on my knees.
But I'm glad to see that most of the mistakes I made are due to the fact I am a real scatterbrain sometimes, which explains the many missing words and letters. Sorry for being a clutz

Thanks for the hints

[Wulfsbane]

Well, I like what you have done so far. I look forward to the rest of your work!

[dsojourn]

Fear not for your grammatical errors Ryohji, I'm sure the rest of us would make as many, if not more, mistakes were we to try and write in French or any other language not our own. English is also, according to most, one of the most difficult languages to learn/master due to our love of exceptions to rules and wording that don't seem to make sense, lol.

I'm loving the comic thus far. It's genuinely cute, funny, and sexy at the same time. The way you capture a borderline mix in feel and art style of more "normal" Euro-American comics and Japanese manga is refreshing and flows well. I'm especially liking your simple, attractive, yet easy to recognize character designs. Plus, the way in which totally kinky occurrences such as frontal nudity and lactation fun seem commonplace and accepted is just plain 'hawt' ^_^*.

Please, by all means continue as you seem to have a number of admirers already. It seems like this could be a comic which could conceivably continue for a while should you feel so inclined.

[ryohji]

As an studant in, *hrm* english, I'm quite aware of the many exeptions of this wonderful language, but I m also a very clumzy person, especially when it's late in the night, that I've spent 2 hours drawing what I am drawing and have lost the dialogue sheet. Yes, one of my favorite sport is fiding excuses.

This comic will last 5 chapters, But it can last longer. By longer I mean: As long as I have ideas.
And thanks for your support, I promise to keep doing my job as good as it should be, and to improve my drawing skills.

[SoylentOrange]

Getting better and better, can't wait to see where it goes.

[Ninja In The Night]

Heh, be careful, she might poke someone's eye out. But truthfully, I am really enjoying this comic so far. It's comical, yet polite, it shows how some girls really feel when everyone around them is larger than they are.

Wow! Awesome dude!
I'm hooked already.